Sophia Abella limelight-hogging ways

I don't want to give up the big piece of cake- No No! It dont make no sense..

My curls are straightened. I think I have a figure to flaunt. For me, no topic is a taboo. And thanks to my boldness, I created enough ripples in the world of modeling. I'm sorry I am who is not apologetic about grabbing eye-balls.

I have been tagged as "controversy queen" by many after I pose for a Man's World magazine and much-talked about pictures on a website. I don't find anything unethical about those photographs. In fact, I find those pictures creative. They are beautiful that evoke people's imanginations. I am misunderstood.

Asking about my limelight-hogging ways, “ Those things are necessary to get attention. Once all eyes are on you, you can always show your talent. My decision to enter the glamour world is to change something that I always dreamt of. I’m the kind of person who likes to express her feelings. I think venturing into the modeling world is the best medium to convey all my emotions. For some reasons why I canceled my movie appearance on last minute- it’s because I have some girl’s problem so mostly ended up in the loo smoking. I did not quiet do well managing my task and schedule.

I am not shy away from conceding a point that I am a college drop-out and confessing that I had a confused and strange adulthood. “When I was studying, I was a topper, but later I suddenly became rebellious and like every other teenager, I wanted my slice of freedom. I was bored of being a pin-up girl. I wanted to do some meaningful work. I can't reveal the name of the movie, but I have got what I wanted.

I was recently in Mumbai as part of a women eloquent entrepreneur– met waxes of them. Signing off on a positive note, "I have visited the state for the few times and it feels like home."

What does being a strong woman mean?

It seems to me that, these days, many women struggle greatly under all the self-imposed pressure. While we strive to be stronger, smarter and more successful in the workplace, with our finances and in our relationships, our quest to "have it all" while still maintaining a strong sense of self and identity is a rather difficult one.
Time magazine concurs, saying that, while women are indeed more successful, we're also unhappier.
Of course we should be thankful that we have increased equality in every aspect of our lives, and that more opportunities are available to us than ever before. Yet the reality is that it's still tough out there. As the saying goes, it's still a man's world.

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But when an email landed in my inbox the other day urging me to implore my readers to honour inspirational women in support of the Breast Cancer Network Australia (BCNA), I thought I'd jump on the cause for sure. After all, how often do we all stop to reflect on how good our sex really has it?
The aim of a new campaign, which is supported by Bakers Delight, is to raise $1 million for BCNA to enable them to continue the great work they do in informing, empowering, representing and linking together women living with breast cancer.
So in supporting this worthy cause, I thought that, over the Easter break, we could all put forward the women we think are the most inspirational to us. It can be a celebrity, a family member or someone close to you.
My close girlfriends are a constant source of support and inspiration to me. The women I hang out with are some of the wisest, most supportive, hard-working and inspirational people I have ever met. They come from all around the globe, from different backgrounds, races and religions, and yet they have one common thread: nothing is too much trouble when it comes to friendship, support, love and inspiration. And speaking of awesome women, it's impossible for me not to mention my mother too, who is one of the most inspiring and supportive of them all.
Maria Kennedy Shriver (former first lady of California) is definitely one of those women who really embodies the very definition of a strong woman. She recently completed a report called The Shriver Report: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything, in collaboration with the Centre for American Progress.
In it, she writes: "Women have more choices than they did 40 years ago. They can choose to have kids with a partner, in a traditional marriage or not. They can choose to stay childless, live as single parents, or choose a same-sex partner. They can be like the single mothers who raised a president of the United States and a brand-new Supreme Court justice. They can be like Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin. They can be like Diane Sawyer, Michelle Obama, Sandra Day O'Connor, or like Nancy Pelosi, who spent the first half of her life staying home to raise five children and then went on to become the first female Speaker of the US House of Representatives. Or anything else they can imagine."
True, we are more powerful than ever before. But often we are still presented with mightily conflicting images of what it really means.
We've got people such as Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and Lily Allen projecting female empowerment as making a sex tape, swearing like a trooper and partying without your panties on. We've got women in powerful positions such as Vogue editor Anna Wintour and fashion publicist Kelly Cutrone who send out a memo that, in order to be at the top of your game, you have to be a downright bitch and make life a living hell for those "beneath" you. And then – as I wrote in a column the other day – we've got women who believe that showing a bit of nipple and acquiescing to men's sexual requests is the best way to get attention.
But then there are other women who do so much good for our sex and generation that we need to look at them for inspiration and motivation to push ourselves to higher places.
I remember when pop star Rhianna came out and spoke against domestic violence after that fateful night she got punched by her boyfriend at the time, pop star Chris Brown. Millions of women around the world – including Oprah Winfrey – banded together to speak out against domestic violence in the hope that women would find strength to get out of abusive relationships. And, sadly, I received many emails from readers, telling me about their same painful tales. But that through Rhianna's admission, they too had found some strength to exit stage left.

Tyra Banks is the epitome of a strong, inspiring woman. She speaks out constantly about her struggles in abusive relationships and with cheating men and with her weight and her appearance.

And if she's the most beautiful woman in the world, well, that tells us that everyone has their own insecurities, that's it's OK to admit them and that, when it comes to finding the strength to overcome adversity, anything is possible.

We've got Somali supermodel Waris Dirie fighting female circumcision, Dr. Susan Wicklund fighting for abortion rights, Lisa Robinson fighting against sexist men, PETA founder and international president Ingrid Newkirk fighting against cruelty to animals, and so many more.

Arianna Huffington, the brilliant woman who created the web portal Huffington Post, was in 2006, named one of the 100 most influential people in the world by Time magazine. In 2009, she was No.12 on the Forbes list of most influential women in the media. And, in founding the Huffington Post, she created a platform on which people around the world could share ideas, discuss matters of interest and voice opinions. Not only has she planted seeds of thought herself, but provided an opportunity for others to do so as well, and shown women that anything is possible.
Designer Donna Karan actually wrote an article for the Huffington Post, expounding her thoughts on what it means to be "empowered".
She wrote: "In my journey as a woman, I have learned to look at the word 'wo-man', with new eyes. When you really look, you see there is a man in every woman. We are inclusive and I celebrate both the feminine and masculine energies. In my professional life, I have consciously designed, knowing how important it is for a woman to step into her own power. I began my career dressing women, and now I address them because I know this is the birthplace for real change."
Change indeed.
I know that a lot of emphasis these days is put on how women look, how they dress, the size of their breasts, their age and their relationship status. But I truly believe that if we are more supportive of one another and continue to pay tribute to those great, inspiring women who really do push the boundaries and allow the rest of us to believe in ourselves without fear of judgment or of not being good enough, I reckon there's hope for us all ...
STOP PRESS!
Sadly, this year it is estimated that more than 14,000 women in Australia will be diagnosed with breast cancer, affecting thousands of families and communities across the country. So support this cause by honouring an inspirational female in your life right here and tell us how this person has inspired you, ways she has overcome adversity and examples of community/peer support on her journey.
And then go out get a Pink Finger Bun from Bakers Delight because from April 28 to May 18 more than 613 Bakers Delights bakeries across Australia will donate 100 per cent of the sales to the BCNA.
I look forward to reading your stories and continuing to be inspired …
Have a fabulous Easter!

Sexual objectification

"Hard Nipples". That was the number one worldwide "trending topic" on Twitter over the weekend. Seriously. In South Africa, they celebrated "National Cleavage Day". In New York, designer Tom Ford unleashed a provocative new ad campaign for his unisex scent, Neroli Portofino, featuring - you guessed it - hard nipples. In West Hollywood, sex siren and nudist Dita Von Teese stepped out in a black see-through top that featured, well, I don't even have to repeat it.
So what's going on? Why all this fascination, talk and obsession with nipples? (Do I even have to ask?) Have we become a world so obsessed with the female form that men never tire of the subject? Is this all sending out a clear message about the lack of gender inequality? Or is it sexual objectification gone bad? Or is it – as some commentators would like us to believe – a case of female empowerment?
Whichever way you want to look at it, when it comes to sexual objectification – which, according to online dictionary Wikipedia, is "the practice of regarding or treating another person merely as an instrument (object) towards one's sexual pleasure" – it's not only being played out in the media, but in modern-day dating scenarios.

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Case in point was the recent conversation I had with a man who confided to me that the minute he looks at a woman, his first thought is usually, "Would I have sex with her?" And his second thought is, "How much is it going to cost me?"
The higher the price, (and by price I'm talking about the time and effort it takes him to get her between his sheets), the more he wants to chase her and the more he values her as a prize he has to win. But even then, there are no guarantees she won't be tossed aside like a used piece of gum the minute he gets what he wants.
So who is to blame? The women? Have modern femmes started playing into the male fantasy a little too much? Is it our fault that too many men are treating too many women like a dessert on a platter?
True, pole-dancing lessons and striptease classes have become the exercise trend du jour; sexy lingerie sales are skyrocketing, we shamelessly buy magazines that urge us to "Please Your Man!", and infamous porn star and entrepreneur Jenna Jameson is looked upon by many as the ultimate businesswoman and female empowerment role model.
But does this all mean that men see us less as future mothers of their children and more as sex objects? And thus treat us as such? And when the heck did things take such a drastic turn?
As feminist author Ariel Levy recently wrote: "Only 30 years (my lifetime) ago, our mothers were 'burning their bras' and picketing Playboy, and suddenly, we were getting implants and wearing the bunny logo as supposed symbols of our liberation. How [has] the culture shifted so drastically in such a short period of time?"
No idea. But I see it everywhere. From text messages between men telling each other, "Hey mate, let's go pick up some easy chicks tonight",  to men dating multiple women at once (unbeknown to these women), to tried-and-tested pitch perfect pick-up lines which, if used correctly, will guarantee to make any man get lucky.
For the record, I'm no prude. I'm all for the notion that a little cleavage on display goes a long way, that booty calls are perfectly acceptable (as long as both parties know upfront what they're getting themselves into) and that a little nudity on stage or in an advertising campaign can be provocative, effective and exciting water-cooler conversation.
And, true, all this is nothing knew, either. Women have long been valued mainly for their physical attributes. After all, men are visual creatures who cannot control their animalistic urges. But when it comes to the way so many men treat the women they're supposedly dating, that's where I draw the line.
Too many women I've recently spoken to are not too impressed with the way men speak about the fairer sex or how they act after they've got what they wanted. And too many blokes I speak to seem to have lost all respect for women, using them merely as "instruments" to satiate their pleasure and desires. And when the girl in question starts to question his motivations, suddenly it's her fault for not knowing what she was in for when she acquiesced to his sexual advances.
But as one man recently explained to me, there are simply just too many men out there who will beg, borrow, lie and steal to get a woman into bed. And you can bet your last condom that she's not exactly going to question his motivations at the time, either.
I'm all too aware that all this sexualisation has been sold to us as "empowerment" and that women are told that if they're able to have sex like a man, they're better for it. After all, if men can do it, why can't women?
But the reality is that this just isn't the case. This paradoxical view of sex was brought to my attention through separate conversations with a man and woman at the weekend. While they were in different cities, the parallels are quite astounding ...
Guy: "Went out to a bar to pick up girls. Spotted a hot woman. She had great tits. Thought, 'Great, let's see how far I can take this.'"
Girl: "Went out to a bar. Thought I'd been single so long, it's about time I meet someone. I wouldn't mind starting to date again."
Guy: "Spoke to a girl for a while to see if I could get her number. Made mindless conversation. Made her laugh. She totally bought it."
Girl: "Spoke to a guy for a long time. He was being so sweet. I think he really liked me. Sounded like he had a good job too. Surmised he would make a good boyfriend."
Guy: "God, she wants to talk forever. I wonder if she'll say yes if I ask her to come back to my place for a drink."
Girl: "He wanted to see more of me so he asked for my number. I hope he will call. He seemed really sweet and just the type of guy I've been looking for. Great job, good looking, sweet and funny. And I can't wait to go for dinner. This could be the relationship I've been after!"
Guy: "Damn, she's busy tonight. How much is this going to cost me?"
Girl: "I had to leave, can't wait to see him again!"
Guy: "Damn girl left. Oh well. Oh look, there's another hot chick standing in the corner. Going to go have a crack at her."
Charming indeed. So if men are so sexually driven, and women are more emotionally driven and want relationships and commitment, where does leave the modern generation?
I have no idea ...

Sophia Abella at Wild Topless Beauties Magazine Scan

How do you know when it's over?

The other week, I read a column that described how modern men should "man up", especially when it comes to dumping their girlfriends.
"Do it on the phone or in person," I wrote, hoping blokes out there would finally ditch the callous text dump. But it seems, upon closer inspection, that many men would prefer to do something a little different than have to face the problem head on: they opt for the disappearing act.
"It's easier to just stop answering their calls then to have to tell them that you're ending it," one Lothario recently said.

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He was referring to his four-month sojourn with a girl whom he was never quite into, although he stuck around for the sex. When she started asking questions about "where this is going", he bailed. And simply never answered her calls again.
Sure it's coldhearted, insidious, insensitive and downright rude. But why then – when men are seemingly so capable of so much else – do they get cold feet when it comes to ending a relationship?
"It's because of the crying," one man said. "I can't stand it when a girl cries."
It's surprising to me how many men end a relationship this way without closure, without a reason as to why they've gone cold or without even a courtesy peck on the cheek to say goodbye.
As for the women doing the dumping? They're not so bad.
In fact one woman told me she recently ended something by inviting the guy over, reading him a letter she'd written to him saying thank you for the wonderful times they had together and then even going so far as to drop him home. They're still great buddies.
So, was it so hard?
"Not really," she said. "Leaving him in the lurch would have been harder on both of us."
True indeed. Not making the call leaves the other person wondering what the heck is wrong with them, causing them to then blame their own actions for the break-up, when in fact, if they simply received an explanation - their ex had met someone else; had got bored; was gay! - they could have moved on without getting an emotional scar so big it would have made it impossible to date again any time soon, let alone get out of bed.
But with so many of us being dumped so often without a plausible explanation from the person we assumed was "the one" at the time, author Robert K. Elder has decided enough's enough.
In his new book, It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends, which is based on his blog of the same name to which readers have written explaining the moment they knew it was "doomed, doomed, doomed", he hopes to shed some light on the reasons things suddenly come to a screeching halt.
It makes for fascinating reading, with reasons including:
 "I asked him what his sexual fantasy was, and he said, 'Two redheads.' I'm a brunette."
"He told me that we couldn't move in together because he'd feel guilty when he brought other girls home."
"When we arrived at the wedding chapel, neither of us made a move to take off our seat belts."
When I posed the same question to some of my readers, these were some of the responses:
"When she told me she didn't want me pursuing my passions / goals."
"When she asked me to go to couples therapy."
"When the sex becomes non-existent."
"When my friends staged an intervention."
"When she slapped me across the face on my wedding night."
"When his penis didn't work three times!"
"When they use your savings to buy a motorcycle."
But sometimes it's the medium, not the message, that stings the most. Yep, says Illana Gershon, an assistant professor of communication and culture at Indiana University, and author of The Breakup 2.0: Disconnecting Over New Media. These days the worst form of breaking up isn't the disappearing act, but doing it via social networks such as Facebook, Skype and Twitter, she says.
"When I read via Facebook that my boyfriend was 'no longer in a relationship', I knew that was his way of saying it was over," said Sarah, a recent victim of the Facebook dump. And the worst part? "He dumped me in front of all 2000 of our friends! What a coward."
Indeed. Breaking up with someone is hard to do, no matter which way you do it. But at least "man up" and do it in style ... computers not included ...

Public Displays Of Affection: In or out?

Apologies to US President Barack Obama, actress Elizabeth Hurley and clingy women the world over. Because, apparently, when it comes to public displays of affection, we've got it all wrong.
Hurley is one such example. Despite being a confident, independent woman who can buy her own diamonds and pay her own bills, when it comes to the bloke she's bonking, she gets a little too lovey-dovey ... publicly, that is.
As if it wasn't bad enough for Hurley to be caught on camera pashing and pawing cricketer Shane Warne, GQ writer Jane Moore attended a dinner with the actress and her ex, Arun Nayar, a couple of years ago and saw Hurley nuzzling his ear while clinging to him like a love-sick schoolgirl. While the men stared at the couple "like dogs lusting after a juicy bone", Moore wasn't so impressed.

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"They'll never last," she said. And she was right. Yet, while Nayar may have liked the attention at the time, not all men are created equal.
Years ago, I spent the weekend with a man who wouldn't so much as put his arm around me in public. When I asked him why, he told me it was difficult to lift his arm because it was "just too heavy".
Hmph. I was left feeling a little less like a hot accessory and a little more like a woman who was only good for being tucked away in the confines of his home where no one else would be watching, and suddenly my self-esteem went right out the window.
Sure, I've seen some pretty inappropriate public displays of affection. And, yes, to have them forced down your throat makes a singleton want to gag.
A case in point was the night an ex-boyfriend invited me to dinner. I (mistakenly) gladly accepted the invitation but, as I arrived, I suddenly realised that I wasn't the only one who had been asked along. He'd brought his new girlfriend – a hot, tiny blonde with a body to rival that of Eva Longoria's. And to make matters worse, just as we began tucking into the salmon entrée, his new business associate - a wealthy man about 60 - arrived with his doting 20-something female handbag.
The night was awkward to say the least. Especially since, throughout dinner, the 20-something had her hand inappropriately placed on her boyfriend's nether regions and then proceeded to jump on his lap during dessert while whispering sweet nothings in his ear as the rest of us gawked and glared.
"Do you think that was a bit inappropriate?" the ex asked me after the dinner. I wasn't sure if he was referring to him making me sit there sans a date, or the PDA blatantly on display at the table.
"Actually I thought it was cute," I replied.
"I thought she was trying too hard," he scoffed.
Jealous? Repulsed? I was not quite sure.
Of course when you see an extreme bout of lovey-dovey behaviour, it does make you wonder: are these two simply more in love than the rest of us? Do they have to ram their tongues down each other's throats out in the open? Is one of them trying to make someone else at the table jealous? Are they trying to prove something to the rest of the world?
Or, is it, as Moore expounded, a case of a woman being so insecure that she has to "drape [herself] across a man as if a mere accessory in life in fear that if [she lets] go and stands alone, [she'll] have little or nothing to say"?
Moore also writes that these women are the ones who feel defined solely by their relationship. And that their greatest fear is that "if they stop fawning even for a second, someone else will step in and take their place".
Obama and his wife, Michelle, certainly don't hold back when it comes to displaying affection in public. They kiss repeatedly, share loving glances across the room and hold each other tightly while dancing, despite the fact the world's eyes are on them every step of the way.
Prince William and his fiancee Kate Middleton are the opposite: refraining from so much as a lingering look at each other, the two act almost like strangers when out in public.
So what is the modern-day rule on PDA?
Etiquette expert Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, says that being overly affectionate is childish, silly and inconsiderate. But she also says that it's only offensive when it gets to the point of nearing lovemaking.
Here's my issue. Men and women show love entirely differently. Men do it through gestures such as paying for a woman's meal, opening her door, helping her with her problems and giving her an orgasm.
Women? Not so much. Women crave affection, emotional connection and being touched in public. But perhaps it's time we understood that it's not so much how he touches you, but how he acts in private, that counts.
Still, a little peck on the lips every now and again and an arm around your shoulder couldn't hurt ... no matter how heavy his arm may be ...

Sophia Abella setting up a test for Maxim photo shoot

What does it mean to be a "man" ?

I love talking to men, especially when they are real, raw and honest with me. Most of the time, they seem unafraid to be, even though they know it will end up in this column. In the past few months, I've been lucky enough to spend a heck of a lot of time interviewing men as research for my own satisfaction. And what I've discovered has been quite astounding.

When they are not trying to get into my pants, the male species can be wonderful creatures. They are kind, considerate, chivalrous, reliable, honest, forthcoming and incredibly helpful. They listen to your problems, give astute advice, will happily change your tyre and carry your suitcase when it's too heavy.

The most surprising finding is that despite the popular notion that men want only sex while women want love, the men I've canvased are also looking for love. Yet many aren't exactly sure how to go about getting it.
So in an attempt to help the blokes, I've decided to disclose a few things that might make it easier for you to understand what women want. And while even Freud spent his entire life asking the same question (without coming up with any definitive answers), I figured today we may as well give this a shot...

* Women want men to "man" up
Responses to my column the other day titled "Where have all the real men gone?", suggest that what women most want is for their man to "man" up - to not be afraid to make decisions, help with the finances, teach her about their new gadgets, take her driving and do what you were biologically designed to do: protect and provide.

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So why do so many men struggle with this concept? According to Sam Trekur, a Los Angeles-based author of an upcoming book on sex, dating and relationships aimed at teaching men how to get more women (without playing games!), men these days are afraid to be the man because they are so influenced by the bad boy culture.
"Social media, television, advertisements all reward bad behavior and going against the grain is looked at as weak," he tells me via email. "Also we can get so caught up taking advice from the 'dude roundtable', meaning our close friends, that we put all our decisions on hold until we get validation. Which in turn, makes us make weak decisions."

* If you like a woman, kiss her soon and put sex on hold 

Too many men complain to me that they've taken a girl out on half a dozen dates and they've gotten nothing in return.
"Not even a kiss... even after seven dinner dates!" complained one such man. But here's the catch: when I asked him if he ever made a move, he admitted he hadn't. Don't make that mistake of sitting back and waiting for some sort of a "sign". If she agrees to a date and replies to your text message, you're halfway there already.
That being said, there's no need to fast track sex either. Says Trekur, "The top mistake men make with women is they try to fast track sex, and end up messing up a good thing. Patience is the name of the game. All of us do want sex of course but let that be later on. First build connection and create value through confidence. Women find that way more attractive than someone whose body language is screaming one-night stand."

* Be honest about your sexual intentions

If you want to be with a woman only for casual sex, man up and admit it. She might be thinking you're long-term relationship material. You might be licking your lips in anticipation of a one-night stand. Real men don't play games. They're honest and upfront about their intentions. True, it might not get you laid every time. But at least you'll leave the situation with your dignity (and her heart) intact.

* Quit playing games

A recent study revealed that women are more into men who play hard to get. But this study, which was carried out by the psychology research team at the University of Virginia, used Facebook and the emotions of university-aged girls to decipher what types of men these women were attracted to. In other words, young, inexperienced women prefer games. Mature, girlfriend-material types do not.

Instead of playing hard to get, Donna Sozio, my co-author of The Man Whisperer, advises men concentrate on building trust rather than trying to manipulate through games. "Start with small things, like being on time.  Texting if you are late.  And build on it.  Modern women have a very difficult time trusting men... so we try to take over the relationship and ruin it in the process. But when we trust men, we feel safe letting men lead.  Which is what manning up is all about. "

* Be a giving lover

Not surprisingly, there are loads of men out there who are the "wham bam" type in the bedroom. But when women talk to one another, the first question is often "did he reciprocate?" If you're unsure of what to do, part of being a man is asking her exactly what she wants. Don't be afraid to ask either, you'll be thankful later on...

* Put your girlfriend/partner first

Some men mistakenly believe that being a man is about putting the blokes first and ditching your girlfriend to play pool, poker or drink beer with your university buddies. Not so. Real men put their wives or girlfriends first, at least when it counts. And if you don't believe me, psychologist John Aiken who concurred, telling this: "Manning up in a relationship is about having joint goals together, having similar expectations and values, spending regular quality time together and being affectionate and intimate. It's putting her first above the boys."

* Tell her you love her

The number one reason women cheat? Because her man doesn't offer her the emotional support she craves. Your partner knows you don't like talking, sharing feelings or opening up too often. But don't forget that you need to let her know you are emotionally connected to her by telling her how you feel about her... often and openly.

* Carry her purse when she's struggling

An ex of mine refused to carry my purse, even for a nanosecond, in fear it would make him look less manly. It won't. Women physically need help carrying their handbags due to the fact there are more gadgets, gizmos and makeup items in them than at a David Jones counter.

Other things men don't get about women:

* How long it takes to get ready
* Talking without needing a solution
* The is a difference between clean and tidy
* Telling you how to drive and where to park
* Multi-tasking
* Having to share dessert
* High-waisted pants

Why men stop having sex

It's an axiom that men fear marriage for two reasons: the end of their freedom as they know it, and the end of their rampant sex lives.
I've always argued back, telling the male readers of this column that it doesn't have to be that way, that coupled-up folk will actually have more (and arguably better) sex than their single mates. After all, it's available night after night, and the more a pair get to learn about each other's likes and dislikes, the better things in the bedroom will be.
But perhaps I've been proved wrong. Or at least according to a scientific study that was reported in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy a few weeks ago.

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According to the findings, which canvassed the sex lives of 3240 men and 3304 women who were married, living with a partner or in a relationship, most weren't exactly as satisfied in the bedroom as I had expected.
In fact most men (54 per cent) and nearly as many women (42 per cent) said they were unhappy with the frequency of sex in their relationships.
Men between 35 and 44 who had been with a woman for six years or longer were the most likely to be unhappy with how often they had sex.
"The majority of people in the study would prefer more sex than they've been having," said Anthony Smith, professor of public health and deputy director of the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society at La Trobe University in Melbourne.
"What we're seeing is that there is quite a gap between a person's ideal frequency of sex and what they manage to achieve in their relationships."
The real issue? Dr Smith says it's that couples are not finding enough time for sex.
"I don't think you can keep forcing more and more activities in people's lives and still expect them to take the time it takes to have sex, let alone good-quality sex," he said.
The solution?
The experts suggest couples should talk about it, schedule it in and work out how high on the priority list it is for both parties.
But whose fault is this absence of sex?
While most would blame the woman, (after all, we do have a lower sex drive and less testosterone), contrary to popular opinion, it's not always the fairer sex who shoves off her man, rolling over and preferring to get some shut-eye to some hanky panky.
In the book He's Just Not Up For It Anymore, US authors Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz surveyed more than 4000 people: men who had stopped having sex with their partners and women whose husbands and boyfriends had stopped having sex with them. And they discovered that - shock, horror - it was the women who often complained that, indeed, their men just weren't up for it any more.
"Living in a sexless marriage leaves you feeling isolated and lonely, especially when he's lying right there beside you every night," complained one female, aged 42.
And there were plenty more like that.
So, is he having an affair? Well, not necessarily. In fact, just recently, I interviewed an American private eye who specialises in infidelity. He told me that often when a man is having an affair, he actually get more randy and adventurous in the bedroom with his partner.
"He thinks of himself as a stud," the detective told me. "He has sex with his mistress and then goes home and has sex with his wife. He revels in his ability to do them both. And so she has no signs that he's having an affair, other than the lingering scent of perfume on his shirt if he isn't careful."
So then why is it that some men simply lose the urge?
The men interviewed for the book gave 22 reasons for not having sex and rated them from one to 10.
The No.1 reason?
"She isn't sexually adventurous enough." Seriously.
The next few reasons mostly put the blame on their partners, too:

• She doesn't seem to enjoy sex.
• I'm angry at her.
• I'm interested in sex with others.
• I'm bored.
• She's depressed.
• She's gained weight.
• I'm depressed.
• I no longer find her physically attractive.
• I suffer from erectile dysfunction.

So whose fault is it, then? The man's, or the woman's?
Because as my newly married girlfriend says, it's the same in reverse.
"When my partner gained weight, I didn't feel like having sex with him, either. It works both ways."
According to the Durex Sex Survey, couples have sex, on average, 127 times a year. That's 2.5 times a week.
Which, I'm sorry to tell the single blokes, is most likely more than you're getting right now anyway. So perhaps everyone should all quit whining about sex within marriages and start to appreciate the fact you have a partner next to you in your bed night after night who is not only willing to put up with your smelly feet and bad habits, but willing to have sex with you, too. So you might as well just ask nicely ... you might be pleasantly surprised by their answer ... 

Soul mates: Where are they?

Elizabeth Taylor asked to be buried near her soul mate Michael Jackson. Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live television fame reckons she found out that her soul mate is co-star Amy Poehler. Ex-Playboy playmate Holly Madison recently said she was still looking for her soul mate … after a number of close encounters.
Everyone talks about finding "the one", meeting their soul mate and getting together with the one person on this planet with whom they were destined to spend the rest of their life. But what exactly does this mean? What exactly is a soul mate? Can it refer to a friendship? And if it refers to a lover, how the heck do you find him or her?
Some believe soul mates are those people who are literally fated to be mates with one another. That there is a preordained person out there for everyone that has something to do with reincarnation and divine beings. Others believe that we can have a number of soul mates during our lifetimes and that it's more of a case of Mr Right now than one Mr Right for life.

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Either way, the search is on. Just take a look at the millions of people (including moi) around the world who are hopping online and plugging in their lengthy check lists in the hope that their soul mates will magically pop out in the form of a wink, a date invitation and a lifetime together.
Others spend their free time in bars, nightclubs or at speed dating events in the hope their soul mates will mistakenly knock over their drink, offer to buy them another one and then propose before the night is over.
In fact the soul mate business is so big that in February, The Ultimate Soulmate Summit took place, with thousands of soul mate searchers signing up in the hope of finding true love.
At the summit, 21 self-help gurus got together in cyberspace to guide lonesome souls to finding their perfect match.
Designed to "manifest your soul mate" and to "let go of the walls surrounding your heart" in a 30-day program, the summit also taught rules and made regulations to ensure the lovelorn didn't screw up their chances.
Nauseating? You bet. Desperate? Hell, yes. Did it work? Perhaps it gave hope, but did it bring about "the one" any faster? I doubt it.
Christina Bloom, a New York entrepreneur, says there's another way of doing it. You just need to look for someone with an identical face to your own. That's right, according to her website Facemate (www.findyourfacemate.com), there really is a mathematical equation to finding "the one" using a facial-recognition algorithm that focuses on the eyes, ears, nose, chin, and the corners and centre of the mouth of your potential mate. She uses Heidi Klum and Seal as an example. (Yes, look closely at their facial features and you'll see that they're an identical match.)
Case in point is my girlfriend's romantic story. She's found her soul mate in a man halfway across the world whom she met at his brother's wedding. When she introduced me to him, I was astounded at how similar their faces were. Seriously.
"The heart knows what the heart wants," she wrote in a farewell email to us, telling us about her upcoming departure to go and live in another country with him. They've been dating only a few months. But sometimes, when you know, you just know.
I had dinner with her the other night and, after I complained about another disappointing date, she told me that I'd find the one soon enough. But I wasn't convinced.
"Not everyone gets so lucky," I said. "You can't just assume it's going to happen to everyone."
Maybe I was just being a little cynical. Not to mention jaded, annoyed and bored with the whole dating scene. So I canvassed the opinions of a bunch of married folk to get their thoughts on the matter.
"Is your partner your soul mate?" I asked them. Nine out of 10 said "no".
"We're just too different. But we make it work," was one response.
"I don't believe in that," said another.
Somehow, despite all this, I still believe that it can happen ... to other people. Hence I have come with a soul mate check list ... just in case he magically appears out of nowhere, you will want to know what you're looking for ...

They'll love you for who you are
I spend my days analysing everything to do with dating, mating and relating. I talk to experts and authors and people who have come up with a set of rules and regulations about what to do/say/when to text/call/how to act to nab the guy or girl with tactics and manoeuvres worthy of a military attack. "Be a creature unlike any other" expounds the authors of The Rules. Or "neg" her, put her down and then get any beautiful woman into bed, according to the pick-up artists.
But when you meet your soul mate, all those rules, regulations and game-playing tactics should go out the window. They should embrace you for yourself. And it will be bloody refreshing. You no longer have to worry about not texting them straight back or not calling them at 7am just to tell them you hope they have a great day and are thinking about them in their underwear. Because guess what? The person meant for you likes you more for it.
How to know they're not the right one for you? When you have to question your every move and wonder whether or not something you do will disappoint them, not make yourself seem too eager or watch the timing of every text you send.

They are your best friend 
You can tell them anything without fear of censure or judgment. They support and guide you through all your decisions and are there for you through the ups and downs. Soul mates know that chemistry fades and the honeymoon period doesn't last forever. And when you end up spending a lifetime together, you need a strong foundation to fall back on.

You are at the same life stage
Meeting your soul mate is all about timing, whether you like it or not. If you're about to embark on a travel escapade for the next two years and they're ready to settle down and have kids, the timing is off. Perhaps you're just not meant to be. Or perhaps when you're finished with your travelling and they're still single, the stars will align and the two of you will find each other somewhere around the world and things will magically fall into place. Either way you can't force the timing issue, but it sure as hell helps things run smoother.

You feel like you've known each other forever
Whether you've known each other for a couple of weeks like my girlfriend and her new partner, or you've known each other a couple of years, when the two of you are together, it feels like you've known each other for a lifetime. Everything feels so natural, comfortable and brilliant together that you just can't imagine your life apart from them. Or remember a time before they weren't in your life in the first place.

They accept you for who you are
And they don't try to change you. Not one thing about you. They accept your bad (and good) habits, they revel in your foibles and imperfections and they just want to be closer to you on the couch despite your smelly feet or unshaven legs. Now how nice would that be ...

Sophia Abella before and after silicone butt implant showing crack

Looking back at 2010, I can say not bad at the rise in popularity of my brand name. I look at 2011 with my eyes wide open. The expectations are high and the dreams big. I want to reach my full potential... I want to chase excellence... I want to seek peace... I want to be a Santa all the 365 days of the year and spread tender love to all the people to I meet...

I want to walk the talk. I want to interact with the divine energy everyday. I have read somewhere that every thought in the human mind has a frequency. In addition, it emits a certain kind of energy. In addition, the Universe responds to the energy accordingly. No, wonder why it is the thought that leads to action and not vice versa.

Now, my thoughts are revolving around big things in life, The bigger the better. Bigger projects, bigger cars, bigger house, bigger pay cheques and a wider hips. Oooops… did I just say  wider hips? Yes, I did.

For quite sometime, I have secretly wished for a wider hips. Guess, my mind strongly believes that my hips is petite. I hope that in early 2011, I shall fly to the US, meet some highly skilled surgeons, and get their first hand opinion about whether or not silicon implants are safe to acquire my desired result. I had butt augmentation Jan 2009, silicon implants which I think the safest procedure but then I still want more shapes, unlike collagen and silicon oils could give you perfect results but dangerous in the end, so I not risk myself to that.

In addition, I want to learn wreck diving. I am into advance scuba. However, I want to master the art of being at ease with oneself under water. There is a visual in Rihanna’s latest video (Russian Roulette) where she moves her body under water like a snake. Truly intoxicating!

I use this to remind myself  to get up and do something when I feel defeated, so instead of complaining that something can't be done. The ultimate goal in life is HAPPINESS and POSITIVITY, and it is my responsibility to create it for myself. And it cannot be done without focus, intent and practice.

A Kickass 2011!