Would you rather walk up the aisle than up the career ladder?

Prince William is finally getting married … after dating the same woman - Kate Middleton - for a whopping eight years.
Why the woman, dubbed "Waity Katy" by the media, hung around is no mystery to most, yet some didn't exactly see it that way.
Britain's Daily Mail writer Beth Gibbons says Middleton's behaviour is an increasingly worrying trend when it comes to young women hankering after a ring.

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Gibbons has even given a name to this trend, calling it the "WK" syndrome. She refers to women whose CVs are gathering dust while they wait for their men to pop the question. And they wait, and wait, and wait.
Of course, under these royal circumstances, Middleton would be mad not to have stuck around.
Yet, a girlfriend of mine who dated an actor, stuck around with him for 10 years while he travelled the globe and didn't exactly treat her the way she deserved.
"He'll propose when he's ready," she often told herself. Until, one day, she woke up to realise that her man was actually never going to propose, no matter how many soufflés she cooked, floors she polished or sexual favours she proffered.
While she hadn't been inflicted with the WK syndrome (she had a successful career and relied on him for nothing much but his company and sex … when he was in town), she'd still succumbed to the idea that the man she'd fallen for was indeed going to make an honest women out of her. At least one day soon.
So what's the solution? To wait, or not to wait? Is it a case of some men simply not being the marrying kind? And if so, how do you discern between the two?
John T. Molloy, author of Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others, who interviewed 3000 couples coming out of marriage licence bureaus, wrote that it's up to the women to call the shots. And according to his survey results, waiting around without making any demands isn't exactly the best way to ensure a future that involves an aisle and a slice of wedding cake.
Instead, he suggests that women who want to get married should insist on it, get out of dead-end relationships, love themselves first, keep in shape and choose their future husbands wisely.
He also says that the high commitment period for men is between the ages of 28 and 33 and that, after 38, the chances a man will ever commit to marriage drops dramatically.
Hence a woman should look carefully at the man's age before deciding that he's going to be the one to do the proposing.
Here's the other thing that I've recently and increasingly come across myself. Molloy says that men are more likely to marry after they've been working and living as independent adults for several years.
Which means that, even if you meet the man of your dreams, but he's not satisfied in his career or feels he hasn't yet "made it" on his own, it will be impossible to pin him down for the long haul.
This makes me a little upset. You see, I often think that I don't care about what job he has, where he lives or how much money he makes.
But when a man isn't satisfied with his own lot, and feels he cannot be the type of provider a girl deserves, he just can't commit.
So he asks you to wait for him to sort his life out. And then you wonder how long you'll be waiting around. And then you wonder if maybe it's his excuse for not committing to you because in reality he doesn't like you all that much. And then you think there's something wrong with you, not him. And then you become inflicted with the WK syndrome … just in case the dude gets his life together, and gathers together enough dough to take you for dinner, let alone buy you a ring.
But what if he's simply a stringer? A dude who never intends to marry you, but prefers to just string you along because - let's face it - regular sex and home-cooked dinners are much more enjoyable than hitting the clubs and engaging in one-night stands with floozies who don't even know your name.
I once talked in this column about the problems women face when they are unknowingly dating a stringer (and got so many comments, emails and phone calls from irate exes that I knew I'd hit a nerve).
Molloy warns stringently against getting ensconced in such a relationship. Instead, he says that, to avoid this subset of men, you need to filter them out by insisting they commit after six months. And then women actually need stick to their self-impoesd deadline.
But maybe we shouldn't be so harsh on the poor gents. After all, if Middleton had stuck to Molloy's rule, the world's most revered royal family would have an entirely different future. She'd never be princess, he'd never be engaged and we'd all still be wondering if we might be the ones to meet the prince and have the fairy tale ending.

To settle, or not to settle?
Interestingly, despite all this hoo-hah about "not settling" for someone below your standards and waiting around for the Mr Right who ticks all your boxes and makes you feel like you've hit the proverbial man-jackpot, Molloy asserts that you should consider "unpolished jewels" – men who are just as nice, intelligent, hard-working and successful, but lack looks, height or social skills.
Which got me wondering if it works the other way around too. Should one ever consider a man who has the looks, height and the social skills, but who isn't as intelligent, hard-working or successful? Where should the compromise lie? (Although in the research, divorced women told the researchers that they had already tried the tall, suave, type, and that despite the fact they may have been good eye-candy, they didn't make very good husbands after all.)
Interestingly, Molloy said, those women desperate to nab a husband need to adhere to the following advice: dress appropriately and send him the message, "I am wife material."
Because, as he writes: "Men marry women they perceive as 'situational virgins' who move easily in their world."
Oh, and the most important bit of advice?
"Give men a second chance - 20 per cent of brides-to-be said that they didn't like their husbands when they first met [them]." (Oops. Sorry gents.)

Other observations from Molloy's research:
* "If you want to discuss marriage, you're going to have to bring the subject up, because many men never will."
* "73% of marrying women said that they put pressure on their man to propose."
* "If a woman is convinced that marriage is essential to her happiness, she is more likely to marry."
* "If a man is convinced that being married is essential to a woman's happiness, he is more likely to propose."
* "Men don't get subtle hints - a woman has to discuss marriage directly and, to make sure he gets the point, ask follow-up questions."
* "When a man says he isn't ready, it usually doesn't mean he will never marry ... Often, it's because they don't have enough money."

Sophia Abella poses naked in her ultimate sexy look

Sophia Abella finally shed clothes in "dare to bare" showing her curves all for art nude photography by Dale
Bacar.

How complete are you without your man?

It's a universally acknowledged truth that crazy things happen to single girls. There was the guy who lied about being a banker, and turned out to work at a pet store. (Not that there's anything wrong with that. It was the lie that was the problem.) There was the guy who lied that he was a Cleo bachelor, and turned out to be a 20-year-old work experience guy who stole the bachelor's outfit at the event in hope of getting laid. There was the guy who lied for months about the fact he was single ... when he had a girlfriend of two years. There was the cokehead lawyer, the sleazy finance guy, the international model, the playboy actor, the French publicist, the Canadian bartender … all disappointments. All a waste of time.

But when you've been in a long-term relationship for over half a decade, and you suddenly find yourself single in a city filled with eligible bachelors (man drought? Pah!), the dating world becomes your ocean. And you become the vulnerable fish waiting for one of them to catch you. The deeper the hook digs in (and the better their pick-up line, their kissing prowess and their dating game) the worse the man may turn out to be. And so you learn a heck of a lot about the state of men, women, expectations, casual sex, rules, your alcohol tolerance and yourself.

Well sort of. At least that's what people continually like to tell you. "It's all a learning curve!" they say. "Take this time to get to know yourself!" they advise. "The right one hasn't found you yet!" they promise. God, how bloody nauseating.
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But if all this sounds oddly familiar, don't fret. You're not the only one. I saw a play at the Darlinghurst Theatre on the weekend that made me cringe. Titled Often I Find That I Am Naked, the protagonist Jezebel recounts her experiences (often encountered naked), problems (often alcohol-fuelled) and awkward dating moments (most notably the one in which she spits out a mouth full of semen belonging to a man whose name she doesn't even know) during her quest to find Mr Right.

Each dating scenario that she acts out – the playboy, the frat boy, the one-night stand, the nice guy, the one who seems to be Mr Perfect and then turns out to be gay – sounded oddly familiar. I laughed and cringed throughout the play, wondering if all the men that modern women meet are exactly the same - reading from some pre-written womanising script they know will guarantee them access to the pants of the fragile girl they're trying to woo before they move on to the next.

Get into a conversation with anyone about their single days and they all have horror stories. My gorgeous girlfriend, whom we'll call Jess, regaled me with the tale of walking in on four different boyfriends (yes four), all of whom she found naked and entangled in their bed sheets on a Sunday morning after she couldn't get hold of them all weekend - with another woman.

When I ask Jess if she thinks it has something to do with her choice in men (or if she refused to have sex with them), she said the answer was a definite no.

"It had nothing to do with me. Rather it's the playboys who are the ones that aren't shy to talk to you. They're the ones who will pick you up, wine and dine you and feed you all the lines about marriage and babies that you want to hear. They rope you in and then, because all their friends are playboys too, they think it's acceptable. They all talk about it afterwards and probably laugh, slapping each other on the back."

One woman had some heady advice. "There are two types of single men," she said. "There are the playboys, and there are the normal nice guys. Know that you're not alone when you get f***ed over."

But even when you meet the nice guy: the Mr Right who carries your purse and brings you chicken soup when you've got a cold and look worse than Lindsay Lohan - even the relationship with him can bring about some heady arguments, tough times and a feeling of yearning for the single days when you were carefree and independent and got to eat two-minute noodles in bed while watching Desperate Housewives.

"Married life isn't as easy as everyone thinks," says one newly married friend, who feels as if she's lost her identity, her spark and her zest for life by being so immersed in her relationship.

"We are having a few problems and sometimes I miss those single days when I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted. Treasure it. Because once it's over, it's over for good."

Which means that, despite the abundance of bad dates, cads, liars, cheats, confusing rules and way too many games to keep anyone sane, you've got to believe that being single is going to be the best time in your entire life. The most carefree, fun-filled and frivolous.

Sure, many singletons can't see that right now. They tell me they're so bloody bored without someone to watch TV with on the couch that they feel like scratching out their own eyeballs. But then there are those who find the magic in being alone. In "finding themselves" (seriously!). In getting a hobby. And in being whole as a single person without another person to fill their void.

My life coach friend Alina Berdichevsky said something really interesting: that your partner should add only an extra 10 per cent on to your already amazing life, which is at least 90 per cent whole. And if you follow this principle, perhaps it will be easier not to lose yourself in the relationship either ...

Why men cheat on hot women?

The other day I told you the tale about my girlfriend Jess who had walked in on four different boyfriends cheating on her. Four. By the fourth time, when the man in question's roommates were all making excuses while trying to keep her out of his bedroom, she knew all too well what was going on. There was another woman in his bed.

Now here's a little fact about Jess. She's six feet tall with glossy brown hair, big blue eyes and a body to rival the curves of Scarlett Johansson. In other words, she's damn, damn hot. And yet the blokes she was with didn't give a toss. Instead they wanted to have sex with other women for some reason other than the fact that Jess was one of those perfect specimens who was not only independent, smart and smoking hot, but a sweetheart to boot.

Jess regaled these stories to me the other night after I told her I wanted to write a column about why the heck men cheat on hot women. The idea came about on the back of the news that basketball star Tony Parker had been cheating on his wife Eva Longoria with the wife of one of his teammates.
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Suddenly hot women around the globe, who once thought their that their doting, darling men were faithful, loyal hubbies, ran to snoop on their man's text messages and to smell their shirt collars for perfume stains. (For the record, Parker claimed he only flirted with the other woman and nothing more.)

But back to the question. Even if it was "innocent flirting" as he so terms it, why the heck would Parker dare risk losing the woman who is on every man's fantasy list? Did she do something wrong to push him away? Was she not giving him enough action in the bedroom? Did she let herself go?

One man (who I think is cheating on his girlfriend) tells me that, yes, it probably is her fault that her man did the dirty.

She was being "a bitch"

"If you're with someone and they're being a complete bitch and you just can't take it any more, and there are hot women throwing themselves at you all the time, it's very easy to cheat," he says. "Some men just feel like they don't have to take it any more and so they go elsewhere."

I know what he's saying is complete and utter bullocks but I often wonder if women really are to blame. If being a "bitch" (as my friend says) is catalyst enough to cheat? I think not ...

They want to eat their cake and have it, too

Over the past year, I've dated at least three men whom I have found – after the fact – to have had girlfriends while still trying to court me. I had become the "other woman" without even knowing it. Yikes.

When Jesse James's mistress Michelle "Bombshell" McGee told me that she'd experienced a similar thing when she began dating James, at first I didn't believe her. Did she really not know he was still married to America's sweetheart Sandra Bullock? C'mon! But when a similar thing happened to me, I realised how easy it is for men these days to eat their cake and have it, too.

His ego is bruised and he needs to prop it up

When a man's ego is bruised, gaining the affections of another woman makes him feel stronger again. Often you'll find when a woman becomes uber-successful while her husband is struggling to make ends meet, he'll go elsewhere for sex, doing it with someone who props him up and makes him feel like a man. Quite sad, isn't it.

It's in his genes

Interestingly there's a theory that cheating might actually be in the family genes. That's right, if his father did it, apparently it's more likely the son will, too. CBS News reported that Tiger Woods's father, Earl Woods, too cheated on Tiger's mother. Ditto with the father of Jesse James.

He's a sex addict

While this excuse might be employed by celebrities who are looking to blame something other than their horniness on the fact they've done the dirty, for some sex addiction is a very real mental disorder. A penchant for porn and prostitutes is usually a tell-tale sign ...

He is narcissistic

As supermodel Christie Brinkley, whose ex-husband Peter Cook cheated on her with an 18-year-old employee, told US magazine Ladies' Home Journal in regards to Bullock: "It's an epidemic of male narcissism gone wild."

Do you use condoms?

A girl I know is pregnant. And has an STD. Why? Because the bloke she is bonking (who is considerably older than her), refuses to use condoms. And she refuses to go on the pill. Hence they succumbed to using the "pull out and pray" method. Which didn't exactly go to plan. So now she's faced with a dilemma: to keep the baby, or not.

Abortions are tough, often resulting in serious mental and physical repercussions. I've gone through the process with a number of girlfriends – one who was in a serious long-term relationship and whose boyfriend demanded she do it. Another who found herself pregnant after a one-night stand. And a third who felt she wasn't equipped to handle a child just yet, and still blames herself to this day for doing it – 10 years on.

While the number of abortions in isn't known exactly, an estimate in 2005 was about 70,000 to 80,000.
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Sure there are accidents, mistakes, missed contraception, drunken nights and broken condoms. But when a man refuses to use protection for no reason other than it inhibits his pleasure, is it really fair on the women? Hell no.

When women tell me they're having unprotected sex because of this very reason, and so are facing a pregnancy scare, I'm flabbergasted. It sounds ludicrous. They say they'd rather please their man, who says he "hates" condoms, than protect themselves. Say what!?

In a time in which STDs, STIs and unwanted pregnancies are running rife, where casual sex is on the menu and fidelity cannot be assumed in every relationship, it seems odd that so many people don't even bother. And that scares me mightily.

"At least use them if you're going to sleep with someone else," a woman I know once told her boyfriend who refused to wear them with her. "If you're not going to use protection with me, at least don't put me in danger if you're going to cheat."

That's the same approach taken by women in Nepal when they decided to send condoms to their husbands who were working overseas in the hope of protecting their men from sexually transmitted diseases. Which might not be such a bad idea, considering these men are gone for months at a time, then come home to their wives.

But back to the condom debate.

To debunk the myth that all condoms are bad, uncomfortable, smell like rubber and make sex feel like you're doing something disorderly with a plastic bag, a couple, who are students at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, have decided to try out every type of condom and write a blog about their experiences (as you do).

The two - who go by the names of Tom and Veronica - say they're fascinated by the myriad condoms out there, are helping humankind with their ratings system and are making love, all in the name of science.

From vegan condoms to studded condoms to glow in the dark condoms (dubbed by them as "perfect if you're feeling adventurous") the two are aiming to go through 244 condoms.

So far, the verdicts aren't all that bad either.

So perhaps next time a man tells you he's not sleeping with you unless he can go bare-backed, you might want to refer him to their blog "Condom Science". Or to his local GP ...

I always used to say that if you put the use of condoms in the hands of women, we'd all be better off. And yet that plan seems to have failed miserably ...

The sex you should have before settling down

Let's face it: many (or some) of you are going to settle down with one person sometime in the near future. And that means no more frivolous sex with random strangers, one-night stands or wasting time with relationships that are seemingly going nowhere just so you can have some regular late-night nookie.

But here's a quick question: have you had sex with enough people yet?

There's something awkward about being asked this question in a world in which one-night stands are nothing to be sniffed at and casual sex is as common as a walk to the grocery store (or at least for the lucky ones).
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So, while your "magic number" was once a brilliant indication of your pick-up skills, the potency of your pheromones or the lowness of your standards, these days the number is nothing more than just that – a number.

Yet, says Clio Cresswell, an Aussie mathematician and author who decided to combine her love of maths with her penchant for sex, you shouldn't dismiss your number just yet.

Because, she says, there is a mathematical equation when it comes to how many people you should have sex with before you settle down if indeed you want to find "the one".

That's right ladies and gents, the mathematician has turned her numerical obsession towards sex and has come up with this very simple formula: the 12 Bonk Rule.

The 12 Bonk Rule says you should have 12 partners before you pick the next best after that with whom to settle down.

Why? I'm not exactly sure how she came up with that number, but she swears that 12 sexual partners are enough for you to compare their good points, know what you want out of your future partner and then leave you better equipped to pick the next best lover after that. Also, she says that the formula gives a 75 per cent success rate of producing a perfect match. So what have you got to lose other than a few inhibitions?

I haven't reached 12. Which means that, even if the next one I meet is indeed "the one", I've still got a long way to go. (God, it's getting hot in here!) So, in lieu of helping you to reach the appropriate Bonk Rule number, I've cobbled together a list of some of the types of people everyone should have sex with before they settle down. Feel free to add to the list ...

Sex with a foreigner

One of my girlfriends is obsessed with Italian men. Another loves Lebanese. A third only likes to do the French. While I used to look at these women and wonder if they were simply stuck in a rut while in a fantasy world where commitment wasn't on the table - just good sex, sexy accents and even sexier bodies – after reading about the 12 Bonk Rule, I'm beginning to think that having sex with a foreigner is just a rite of passage – an experience one must have to fulfil the sexual quota.

Sex with a player / celebrity / model / actor

They're hot, they're in demand, they have a body to die for and they know what they're doing, thanks to the extensive practice they've had from all the willing suitors lining up around their corner from their bachelor(ette) pad. You get tingles just thinking about them, never mind finding yourself in their bed sans underwear. Just don't expect a follow-up session anytime ... ever. Oh, and always use protection.

The massive age-gap sex

Sex with someone much younger or many older is an experience to be had … if only to say you've done it. Men rant and rave about how brilliant it is to nab a much older woman (see Ashton Kutcher), women give glowing reviews about the energy and sexual prowess of younger men (see Ivana Trump) and everyone feels a little naughty at the prospect of doing the dirty with someone entirely inappropriately aged. Just avoid the under-aged!

The nice guy

Having sex with the nice guy is a must. You have to know what it's like to be treated nicely, be respected, have him call you the next day and not feel like a tramp who was used for a quick orgasm followed by a hasty goodbye. Nice guys are warm and fuzzy and make you realise what you could have if indeed you were that into him. Just try not to break any hearts along the way.

Your teenage crush

You know the person you were lusting after since childhood and never got the chance to date because you were too fat / pimply / shy? Well now is your chance to get them into the sack and get it out of your system. While you know it's entirely wrong and they no longer have the appeal they did when they were the high school jock or the hottest chick in your class, at least you will finally get to satiate your lust for them.

Your best friend / your ex / your flatmate

While this group of people are supposed to be the ones you stay away from, if you think you can handle it (or need to increase your quota), go ahead and get sexy in their presence. Make sure you're in a good mental place beforehand, though, and that you can handle the consequences (there are bound to be many) and that you're really hard up for numbers before you contemplate accepting that third glass of wine and then making your move. Don't say I didn't warn you about this one ...

The art of being sexy

The other night a seminar entitled "The Art of Being Sexy", hosted by Alina Berdichevsky. As I looked around the room, each one of the women present looked to me as if she'd just stepped out of Glamour magazine – gorgeous, well-dressed women all displaying an air of confidence.

Or so I assumed. The 16 women present included a model, a lawyer, a businesswoman, two young working mums, a writer and an entrepreneur.

As the conversation started to get more intimate and the women started to open up about their lives, their relationships and their self-image, something started to be revealed that shocked all of us: no matter how good things appeared to be on the outside, many were suffering silently on the inside.
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The women in relationships feared that they'd succumbed to a life of "sitting on the couch" in their tracky daks with messy hair and smelly breath. They admitted that, sadly, gone were the days of surprising their partner in the nude with a perfectly prepared dinner as he walked through the door before a night of satiating sex and a flutter of compliments.

"Now I just stomp around the house," said one. "That can't be sexy."

"I'm so tired," said another. "I couldn't be bothered to make an effort."

"I'm never in the mood."

"I'm always in a rush."

The career women in the group seemed to have a slightly different problem. They feared they'd completely lost their feminine identity because they had to "man-up" their look in the office so that the men would take them more seriously.

Hence they'd ditched every bit of their sexuality, including their short skirts and pretty scarves, to climb the corporate ladder based on their merit and intelligence rather than their feminine wiles. It was filtering into the private lives too, and they weren't happy about it.

"I've really quashed my sexuality and femininity in every way," admitted one. "I've gone completely the other way and I only wear black suits, and black, black, black. My boyfriend can't be too pleased."

The new mums exposed their vulnerability and fear that they would never again be seen by the public (let alone their husbands) as sexy.

"I'm always trying to do a million things at once so I'm always dropping things," said one.

"I'm self-conscious about the changes in my body," said another.

"Sexiness has all but evaporated from our lives for the past 10 months. Which coincidentally coincides with the age of my son."

All feeling a little not-so-sexy, the group turned to Alina for guidance. She explained that being sexy was not about what you wear, your weight or the size of your cleavage. Instead it's about having the power within to ooze sexiness, own it, not worry about outside forces and to never compare yourself to others.

"We are naturally sexy," she says. "But there are things which block our sexiness."

She says the top mistakes women make when it comes to sexiness are not owning their flaws, comparing themselves to other women, being in a co-dependent relationship and giving the other person (a boyfriend / lover / work colleagues) the power to make or break the way women feel about themselves. She also says that if the women are disconnected from their bodies, harbour resentment towards men or are stuck in a rut, those things can all hinder their sexiness, too. (Note: there was no mention of not wearing a miniskirt, being a size six or looking like Angelina Jolie!)

Her advice for all women wanting to be sexy?

"Make sexiness a priority and include it in your identity," she advises. "Work with what you have and own your own look. Move more slowly and start to feel the subtle currents of bliss inside you as you smile at the world. Make your environment more beautiful, sensual and lush. Note that sex is everywhere in nature [she describes raindrops as kisses]. Make yourself your #1 priority and nourish, spoil, treat and worship yourself daily."

She says that sexiness all about being feminine, so women (even the ballsy career chicks among us), should soften more often, walk more slowly, swagger their hips a little and, if all else fails, dance alone when no one is watching.

I've had many men tell me that sexy is jeans and a t-shirt; little make-up, a good sense of humour and not taking yourself too seriously. I've had other men tell me that the sexiest woman in the room is the one not trying too hard. So why then are we all so confused as to what is sexy?

"Most importantly make sure that sexiness is your - not your partner's - priority."

Perhaps it really does come within, although I'm sure somehow the lad's mag editors (and readers) might beg to differ...

Women do not really like sex, say what?!

Apologies to all you red-blooded, sexually active straight males of the world. Because apparently, says English comedian Stephen Fry, sex with you disgusts women. In fact, the only reason we ever agree to do it with you is that we believe it will lead us to a "relationship", a waltz down the aisle and commitment for life. And sex, says Fry, is the small "price" women feel they have to pay for a little bit of stability and commitment.

Really? So now we have a gay man telling us how much we like sex and perpetuating the myth (once again) that the female species doesn't?

Outraging feminists and promiscuous women alike, Fry nevertheless proceeded to tell a journalist that most women will deny the fact they don't like sex, but that he knows we're lying because we don't do it nearly as much as gay men (who he believes do it out in the open, solicit for it in public and do it with strangers).
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Why the heck is he telling us how we feel about sex anyway? It was like my male friend the other night arguing with me over the existence of an E-cup bra size. Why a straight man who has never bought a bra in his life was arguing with a woman over the existence of a certain bra size is beyond me.

But anyway, back to sex and Fry's belief ... which has put me in a little bit of a puddle. Because, you see, the aim of this column is to debunk the dating and relationship myths propagated by the opposite sex. My duty is to demystify the confusion and to bring the sexes one step closer to understanding one another so that the Mars and Venus divide can start edging ever so slightly closer together.

So, in light of debunking the latest sex myth, and a few others I've been privy to during the weekend, I hereby give you my top relationship myths debunked. Feel free to add to the list ...

Myth: Women don't like sex as much as men and do it only to get a "commitment"

Fact: Here's a startling revelation: women do like sex. In fact we might just like it as much as men. Sometimes even more. We simply have a higher price to pay as a consequence of it. Hence a clever gal will be a little more discerning when it comes to who exactly she's going to bonk and when exactly she's going to bonk him. Because the trouble is that not only are we at risk of pregnancy, but sex bonds us to a man. For men, not so much. And, as Ted's girlfriend cleverly said in an episode of How I Met Your Mother, "Men regret the women they don't sleep with, women regret the men they do sleep with." So it's not that we don't like it. It's that we don't like all the hoo-hah and consequences that often follow it.

Myth: Men will change

Fact: I've dated a man-child, a man with no social skills, a player, a shy guy and a guy who lied about his job in the hope of getting laid. And they all had one similar characteristic: none of them were ever going to change … or at least not in the near future. The problem is that, despite what many women wish to believe, men aren't "projects" that you can morph and turn into whatever you believe is your ideal guy. They are who they are: simple creatures and creatures of habit. Sure you can get them to wax their unibrows or give you more oral sex (methods on how to do this are outlined in my upcoming book The Man Whisperer), but changing their entire personality ain't going to happen. Pick someone else or get over his so-called flaws.

Myth: Holding off from having sex means there's more chance of a long-term relationship

Fact: Sure, men will say that sex is no big deal. And, yes, often when men only want sex, it might end up in heartache for the women who give it away like dessert on the first date. Especially if they believe sex might lead to more than just a one-night romp. But my womanising mate Jed says that if a guy likes a girl, he likes her. And it's not going to make a difference whether he sleeps with her on the first date or the fifth. Of course it works the other way around too. (Or maybe they just say that with ulterior motives in mind.) But if you're dating a douchebag, he's going to treat you like crap whether you sleep with him too soon or not. But back to the myth. Listen to your gut. If something is off about the person or they're pressuring you into it, don't do it. But if you do slip (pardon the pun), don't think your chances are doomed either. Just don't start calling him your "boyfriend" the next day ...

Myth: You should wait to meet your soul mate and not settle for anything less

Fact: Call me a pessimist but I think the soul mate theory is all a bunch of bollocks. If you do indeed believe it exists, waiting around for it to hit you over the head and rescue you from your mundane life is not going to do you any good. When you're out of the game (staying at home waiting for your soul mate!), you're never even going to find someone to shag, let alone a life partner. Live your life, surround yourself with good people, give more people a go and you might be pleasantly surprised at what you discover.

Myth: Love conquers all

Fact: Not when there's religion, oceans or toxic in-laws to divide you. Unfortunately, while they say love may conquer all, sometimes it's not enough. If your value system is just too different, or some other factor such as your work, your country or your religion gets in the way, sometimes love just isn't enough to overcome the obstacles. I wish it was. I wish all the myths we hear - especially this one - would be true. Unfortunately, they're not. Good on paper is not necessarily what makes a good relationship. Or even a lasting one. Sometimes stuff - like life - gets in the way of love - and there's nothing you can do about it ...

The science of the booty call

"Men want sex, women want love." Isn't that how the adage goes? Isn't that why you and I, dear readers, have spent hours upon hours here at dating forums pontificating, debating and arguing over everything from why men don't call back (because maybe they're not that into us?), to the real consequences of sex on the first date (no more respect?) to how to get a man to commit (never ask, don't demand, and don't sleep with him on the first date?). Is it really all because, for men, it's all about sex, but for women it's about finding true love?

Either way, somewhere along the slippery road of dating, courtship and the attempt to find an emotional connection, women stopped keeping their legs shut in favour of "owning their sexuality" and to purport to be able to "do it like a man". This all thanks to the ingenious invention of the "booty call" (which by the way, men are still praising the sexual gods for) which has given women the incentive to put their real desires aside in favour of a warm body, an enjoyable quickie and the confidence to shut off any urges for a real boyfriend thanks to their biological ticking clock.

Yep, modern women no longer seem to be afraid of a little self-gratifying horizontal hanky panky without emotional ties or morning-after consequences because, not only does neither party have any expectations for any follow-up the next day, but it's well-known (or at least by its very definition) that the booty call buddy always comes back for more emotionless romping sans dinner or midweek phone calls ... or at least not before the clock strikes twelve).
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But despite the increasing frequency of these no-strings-attached, seemingly seamless exchanges of sexual favours between two consenting adults who have one goal in mind that has nothing to do with love, connection or procreation, it seems to me that those ensconced in booty call unions almost always seem to come across a cacophony of conundrums.

One might become more attached to their BC buddy than they first might have hoped (usually the woman and usually thanks to a little hormone called "oxytocin" which causes her to want to "bond" to her sexual mate once the deed is done); one might meet someone else whom they actually want to "date" and therefore might feel awkward at the thought of having to end the BC relationship, and both seem to be simply treading water while swapping bodily fluids until "someone better comes along". Charming, isn't it?

So I was intrigued when I discovered that a bloke by the name of Peter K. Jonason, Assistant Professor in the Psychology Department at the University of South Alabama, had actually taken the time to do a "scientific study" on the booty call. Surely it's not rocket science to understand a simple transaction that happens when two people aren't that interested in each other but want to bonk anyway?

Apparently it's a little more complex than we might first have thought. So to find out just how all this works in the scientific realm of things, I decided to contact Jonason for some answers.

This is what transpired …

Me: What makes you a "booty call" expert?

Peter Jonason: I am an expert because I have turned my mental effort towards documenting this relationship type and studying its intricacies.

Me: What is the difference between a booty call and a one-night stand?

PJ: Most importantly, one-night stands happen only once. Booty-call relationships are ongoing. Booty-call relationships occur between people who know each other. One-night stands occur among individuals at zero (or near zero) acquaintance. Booty calls are also characterised by a larger range of sexual and emotional acts than one-night stands; more time on target as it were.

Me: Can booty call relationships ever develop into something more?

PJ: Of course they can. In our 2009 study, women seemed to be engaging in booty-call relationships with just that hope. Also because these are sexual relationships among friends, the strong possibility exists these individuals will "fall" into a serious relationship.

Me: Do you find that women start getting emotionally involved with their booty-call buddy more so than men?

PJ: We have never asked such a question but we do know that women report the relationship ended because they wanted more than just sex but the partner did not.

Me: Are women less interested in casual sex or having a booty call buddy than men are?

PJ: Although both sexes like sex and both sexes have to be present for a sexual encounter to occur, men do place a stronger emphasis on sex in a relationship and by extension one can infer they are more interested in both than women are.

Me: You say women experience "extreme social costs" from sleeping around … like what?

PJ: Most notably the sexual double standard which appears actually a within the female sex because women derogate other women who are sexually active more than men do. Men are interested in women who they do not have to work too hard to get sex with. Women may punish women who have sex too "freely" because it affects the market value of all women who "ask" for sex. It is sexual economics 101.

Me: You say that when it comes to a one-night stand, the man wins and the woman loses. How so?

PJ: By win and lose we mean one sex incurs the reproductive risk and the other sex does not. In a one-night stand, men get low investment sex with a woman who may have to invest for nine months (and however many years it takes for the male to leave the house). The winning and losing is framed on the evolutionary timescale and is played out because men and women have different reproductive interests and by extension different preferences in relationships and partners.

Me: Do booty call relationships hinder the chance people have to go out and meet "the one" because sex is simply on tap when they want it?

PJ: Interesting question. It is a possibility for sure. When one is distracted, one may miss a better opportunity. However, booty-call relationships appear to be what one would call a "place-holder" as per new data I am trying to get published. A "place-holder" relationship is one where the parties are filling their time until something better comes along.

Me: Biologically speaking, what is the real meaning behind the booty call and do you think it's healthy or should it be avoided at all costs?

PJ: The meaning individuals derive from these relationship is mostly sexual and partly emotional security. However, the dangerous thing is that we are moving away from the formal system of dating that many older generations are accustomed to. Now individuals hang out and fall into a relationship, whereas in the past individuals were more direct. For instance, today there is a push to have low-pressure casual meetings instead of formal declarations of dates. The lack of formal declarations protects the egos of the individuals if rejected and provides an easy escape if interest is not there. As for its health, I think it is the wrong question. The real issue is that individuals will try to solve their adaptive challenges and find ingenious ways of doing so. The better question is: what is next?

Me: So what is next?

PJ: The internet is killing the porn business and the mobile phone/internet is killing traditional dating. Twenty years ago no one would have predicted the rise of mobiles or the internet but here we are. But in general terms I am willing to bet it will be something that makes relationships even more "casual". Sex may become more socially acceptable and therefore the sexual freedom of both sexes may increase.

Would you date a bisexual?

It's one thing for a partner to lie to you about their fidelity, night-time shenanigans or about the last time they spoke to their ex. But what would you do if you found out your partner … had once upon a time had sex with a person of the same sex?

Pop singer Gwen Stefani's husband has come out and surprised everyone with a revelation. Apparently the hot-to-trot lead singer of the band Bush – Gavin Rossdale – has dabbled in the horizontal hanky panky with someone of the same sex. While he says he was 17 at the time, and that it was just a "one night thing", he says it's no big deal and that his actions don't mean he's gay.

"When you're 17, Jesus Christ. I don't think there's anything strange about any form of - you're learning about life. It's a part of growing up. That's it. No more, no less," he said.
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When the revelations were released, it appeared his wife didn't give a toss. So why should we? And if he is indeed bisexual, then almost half of those surveyed by YourTango website found that they would still date the person, regardless of this measly little factoid. So why all the hullabaloo?

When asked if she'd date a bisexual, Bethany, 29, an administrative assistant, concurs with Stefani's non-care attitude, telling YourTango: "Yes, absolutely. I find it refreshing when a guy is open about his sexuality. I think I'd be fine if it was in his past, but if I had to worry about him desiring men while we were together, then that might be a problem."

While the desire for men is one thing, what about the recent trend that men are more accepting and open about kissing other dudes then they once were?

Yep, according to a survey released last week carried out by British researchers at the University of Bath (which is getting a hell of a lot of press and causing a ruckus among conservative types), when it comes to giving each other a peck on the cheek, modern blokes are no longer as afraid as they once were.

From the survey, which questioned university students from two universities, a whopping 89 per cent of blokes said they had kissed a heterosexual male friend on the lips, 37 per cent said they'd engaged in "sustained" kissing with another man, and zero per cent of respondents thought any of this behaviour was "sexual".

When I asked my 27-year-old rugby-playing, beer-swigging mate what he thought of this, he looked at me a little strangely.

"Um, I'd never kiss a dude," he said.

As straight actor Colin Farrell said when talking about his gay love scenes in Alexander in 2004: "I didn't enjoy kissing the men any more than I am sure a gay guy would enjoy licking a woman's [bleep]. I find it repulsive when a guy's stubble is pressed against my lip."

But after thinking about it for a few minutes, my mate told me that he's noticed that more and more blokes are doing it ... but only on the sporting field.

"The French rugby team were giving each other full on pashes when they won against New Zealand a couple of years ago," he told me. "It was weird to watch. And it was what we talked about for ages after the game."

While sporting heroes are supposed to be the roughest, toughest, straightest blokes on the block, it seems odd that they're not shy to give each other a little lip-on-lip action (in front of the entire world!) when they get a tad excited.

The University of Bath survey results concur with my mate's observations, with 95 per cent of athletes surveyed admitting that they had kissed another man, and that they thought there was "nothing wrong with it".

So what's going on? Are more men coming out of the closet? Unafraid to show their affections for one another? Or is this trend a reflection of something else?

Dr Eric Anderson, from the university's department of education who helped conduct the survey, said heterosexual men kissing each other in friendship is "an offshoot of what happens when homophobia is reduced … At these universities, overt homophobia has reduced to near extinction, permitting those men to engage in behaviour that was once taboo."

Which is certainly good news, even if it means your man may have swapped spit with his best mate.

But back to Rossdale. Because when it comes to having sex with a person of the same sex, it's slightly different than pashing them on the soccer field after your mate scores the winning goal. So my question is this: what if you discovered something like that about your partner? Would you be willing to forgive and forget? Or would you feel betrayed? Would you feel uncomfortable around them? Or would you put it down to a simple case of young men (or women) finding their way? And where do you draw the line?

Recently I've come across a number of readers who have made startling discoveries about their partners. What would you forgive?

* They've been to jail.
* There are nude photos of them on the internet.
* They're on a dating website.
* They've been to a swingers club (and participated!).
* They've been sleeping around with other people of the opposite sex.
* They've slept with someone of the same sex ...

And in case you thought I was kidding about the trend of sporting blokes kissing one another, check out this video which proves they aren't afraid to show a bit of male-to-male lovin'...