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Do married men wish to be single?

I remember the day when I was reading as an avid fan for a woman's magazine. The picture editor walked in, her face glowing. As she approached the communal desk station, she held out her hand to reveal a sparkling heart-shaped diamond ring.
"I'm engaged!" she squealed with delight. Some of the women in the room ran up to hug her; others turned crimson with jealousy - yet still managed to spit out the words, "We're all so happy for you!" And most just sat nodding politely, while secretly wondering if their turn would ever come.
Discussion for the rest of the day (and week, and the next seven months), centred on her dress, the venue, guest list, band, bridesmaid's dresses, make-up artist, hens' night, hair style, tanning regime, exercise regime … it didn't matter what the topic of the day was; talk always returned to more exciting matters: her wedding.  

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I was still in my teens at the time and, while marriage was nowhere near on my radar, one thing was firmly cemented in my mind: if you were engaged or married, other women thought you were awesome.
It's a universal truth that when it comes to the sticky topic of marriage and getting a man to propose, the women who are able to do so (because let's face it, no man is going to do it all on his own) are celebrated, fawned over and envied by their colleagues, friends and family members. Paradoxically, the men in offices who get married are often pitied. Or at least not exactly gushed over like women are.
But why? Surely it's something to celebrate? Surely it's something their single brethren struggling to find a mate would be envious of? Apparently not. And I had no idea why either, until one man enlightened me the other day when I asked him what he thought of my recent column describing "Guyland" – the place men like to live in as long as possible and to revel in being non-committal, non-attached and definitely not yet hitched.
"You forgot one thing in your article," he told me. "The pressure men give one another to remain single."
"Go on," I encouraged him, intrigued.
"Well, I get pressure from my colleagues to stay single. Not that I really care too much what they say, but it is kind of 'cool' to be single. Some men love being able to tell their married colleagues how awesome their life is; drinking, picking up girls, etc. You are definitely more respected if you are living the single life. In the male bonding world, picking up is better than not picking up."
"So the hitched-up blokes are ashamed to say they're married?" I asked.
"Woah, I wouldn't say ashamed," he replied quickly. "I'd just say that if men love their wives, they'll only mention it in private. In fact it is very, very rare for a married guy to talk about marriage favourably."
Um, not every guy. In fact, when I think about the way my older, more mature male bosses and colleagues behave, many of them aren't opposed to being married at all. In fact, many of them could think of nothing worse than having to chase skirts, go on dates, lie to get laid, and then do it all over again the next day, simply for the bragging rights.
"Yeah, that's the other caveat," my male friend said. "Because it's only up to a point. Once you reach a certain stage, then you start to judge your life by other things; cars, houses, titles, family, kids, marriage and success."
Women are the opposite. If you're married, you're awesome. It's the ultimate status symbol. And age doesn't matter either. Instead, listening to your single female colleagues moan constantly about bad dates, empty one-night stands and getting dumped (again) gets a tad boring. We are pitied rather than envied.
"But its pretty much the opposite with guys," my friend said. "Because guys judge each other by their perceived attractiveness to the opposite sex. See, for guys, getting laid a lot is the equivalent of the way women look up to the ones who are married. The playboy lifestyle. Look at every TV show aimed at guys – the guy is never married."
True, men from Charlie Sheen to George Clooney to even the reluctant-to-get-married Brad Pitt are male heroes for most men. As for women? We look up to those women who seem to "have it all". And as we strive to achieve this ourselves, the hardest part is perhaps convincing the man in your life that having a hot wife by his side who provides home-cooked meals and regular sex is something to be bragged about, not ashamed of.
But hey, at least a gal can try ...

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Date: May 27, 2011
Model: Sophia Abella
Photographer: Yvette Brawner
HMUA: Ralph dela Cruz
Location: FAB Studio

 

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Date: May 27, 2011
Model: Sophia Abella
Photographer: Yvette Brawner
HMUA: Ralph dela Cruz
Location: FAB Studio

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Model: Sophia Abella HMUA: Ralph dela Cruz Photographer: Yvette Brawner May 27, 2011 Friday -------- For more pics, please check http://fabphotography.multiply.com/photos/album/165/Up_close_and_personal_with_Sophia

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Date: May 27, 2011
Model: Sophia Abella
Photographer: Yvette Brawner
HMUA: Ralph dela Cruz
Location: FAB Studio

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Date: May 27, 2011
Model: Sophia Abella
Photographer: Yvette Brawner
HMUA: Ralph dela Cruz
Location: FAB Studio

Sex, love and porn

It's part of human nature to strive to understand the workings of the mind of the opposite sex. Women marvel at the way men deal with everything from emotions to sex to their penchant for sport, beer and porn. And the men? Well, many of them (despite the common belief held by women that most of them are non-committal, unemotional and incapable when it comes to matters of the heart) also have a string of questions when it comes to understanding the emotionally driven actions, opinions and nuances of the opposite sex.
This fascination with how each one works in a romantic setting isn't slowing down either. Twenty years ago, when Dr John Gray attempted to box up all our male/female angst in the groundbreaking book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, suddenly everything was crystal clear: we were simply from different planets with different brain structures, communication styles, emotional needs and personal values. Men, Gray said, wanted solutions; women, on the other hand, wanted their problems heard, recognised and heard again. No solution needed.
But two decades on, with modern social norms being toppled on their proverbial head (thanks to the proliferation of casual sex, high divorce rates, online porn and a thriving online dating scene worth more than $4 billion worldwide), things appear to be more confusing than ever.

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Which is why, I suspect, that over the past weekend, every conversation I had (whether it be over breakfast, in the gym, on Facebook or at the pub), seemed to centre on relationships, sex and dating.
As I pondered, debated and attempted to answer the myriad topics with both men and women of all ages, I came to a conclusion: we're all screwed. But in case you were wondering what transpired, here goes. See what you think …
Question 1: "Why do so many men stop having sex with their girlfriends?"
"It's because of the Madonna-whore syndrome," chimed one woman who had recently been feeling the no-sex pinch from her year-long boyfriend.
In attempting to answer her own question, she proffered this explanation to the group of women at the breakfast table: "Men who see their girlfriends as their future wife switch from seeing her as sexy and desirable to someone who should be pure and dignified – the future mother of their children. Hence they lose all sexual desire for her."
While it was certainly an interesting explanation, I wasn't quite sure this was the answer that would apply to every sexless situation. And neither did the other women at the table.
"Is it because of porn?" asked another. "Because that's a deal breaker for me – too much porn definitely changes things in the bedroom, and not for the better."
I told her that yes, she was correct. Recent studies have concluded that, with the proliferation of online porn and its increased accessibility, more and more men are coming down with a severe case of "sexual attention deficit disorder". This in turn causes them to have less of an ability to see their partners as sexy, to enjoy sex with real women or to have the energy and strength left to show their partners some real sexual attention after they've been busy with their laptop for most of the day. (More on this in the upcoming weeks of this column.)
"Isn't the reason that men become less interested in sex is because they're just stressed at work?" asked a third. Perhaps. But, then again, as another noted, that might simply be the same type of lame excuse that women use when they say they're "too tired" for some hanky panky …
Question 2: "What makes a woman attracted to a man?"
Over the past few days, three men of different ages in different cities across the world have asked me what makes a woman attracted to them. When I shared my thoughts with the first bloke – that it's important for a man to be upfront with his intentions, kiss her early, compliment her genuinely and "man up" if he likes her, the bloke who asked the question proceeded to tell me that my answer was "bullshit".
"How would you know anyway?" he retorted. "Surely it's about forging a long friendship and an understanding with a woman before the physical even gets a look in? I mean just kissing her? Wouldn't that scare her away? And why should I have to kiss a girl after two dates? What sort of a rubbish timeline is that?"
Well, here's the thing: obviously this whole subject intrigues me mightily. Which is why, when I meet a man who seems to tick all my emotional, psychological and sexual buttons, I will note exactly what he did in order to get me to feel that way. I canvass my girlfriends too, questioning how a man got her, what he did, when he kissed her, what he said. And I always ask men who are successful with women how they do it … in detail.
And it's not what my mate thought would work either. Sure, it's probably a good idea that he organise an interesting date; act chivalrous, ask questions and not try to sleep with his new date before dessert. But there are other things that contribute to inciting feelings of passion and desire, which seem not to be known by the average man who finds it difficult to get laid.
Kissing her early on in the courtship process does help, especially considering women become emotionally invested in a man after physical contact has been made. Otherwise you're "just friends". And in case you want to argue with me about "getting to know someone first" over seven or eight dates, five out of the five women I asked concurred.
"If a guy doesn't kiss me by the second date, or at least indicate that he likes me, I start to wonder if there is something wrong with me … or him," said one woman in response.
The other men weren't convinced either, retorting with these (lame?) excuses:
"But I'm scared of rejection."
"If she's not giving me the signs, I'm not going to assume anything."
"Don't women want to take things slow?"
If it works, then fine. But you know what they say about doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result …
Question 3: "Why did the guy I was dating just go silent and not give me any closure?"
This question had me stumped. I have no bloody idea. So I consulted my favourite author, comedian Steve Harvey of Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep and Understand a Man, who says that most men are never going to tell women what they expect (or hope) to hear, so she might as well stop trying to get it out of him.
As he writes: "When men stop calling … it's because we're done. You need closure, but men don't; we just need it to be over. We don't need to know why it didn't work, we don't want to consider trying it again; we don't question the rationale behind our decision. We didn't like talking when we're together; we're not about to become the Great Communicator now that we've broken up."
Hmm.
Question 4: "Why do men lie so often?"
Being on the receiving end of a few male lies recently, I couldn't help but feel compassion for my girlfriend who is convinced her man is lying about pretty much everything.
"How can I trust him any more?" she wanted to know. I wasn't sure.
On lying, Harvey has an entire chapter dedicated to exactly why men do it; apparently it's mostly to protect us.
As he writes: "The truth will absolutely not do anything for us except get us deeper into trouble and hurt your feelings more. What you need to understand is that sometimes that lie, that withholding of all the information, is his way of protecting you from getting more mad, scornful and resentful than you already are when you suspect we've done something wrong."
I remember a while back reading in GQ Magazine an essay by writer Vince Passaro titled, Why men lie (and always will).
According to Passaro, who is also the author of the book The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom, there are three things that almost everyone lies about: cheating, stealing and sex. Then there are things mainly women lie about: food, money and orgasms.
"And then there's the rest of life, which men tend to lie about," he says.
He also reckons that men lie so much it's a "power trip" and the ability (or need) to lie is "built structurally" into the male brain. But perhaps his ex-wife had it right when she expounded this: "Your sperm makes you evil."
Enough said...

Is your man stuck in Guyland?

Guyland is a mysterious place. It's a land where women have to tiptoe around, being careful not to disturb the peace, making sure we're not doing anything to jeopardise the tranquillity of its inhabitants. We constantly have to make a conscious effort not to do anything too startling - act needy, get attached, fall in love - that might trigger the male mind into thinking that we're trying to pull them out of their euphoria.
The term, coined by sociologist Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men, says that these men - a demographic of over 22 million - are obsessed with never wanting to grow up and crave video games, sports and depersonalised sexual relationships.
Which is all fine and well, if it weren't for the fact that many single men don't exactly like to let the woman they're dating in on the fact that their feet are firmly cemented in Guyland with no intention of vacating ... at least not any time soon.

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That is until they reach a certain age, according to Times Online writer Martin Deeson.
He says that until a man reaches the age of 35, there is no reason he should quit his beer-drinking, skirt-chasing, freedom-loving lifestyle where women come and go like bad pop songs and commitment is not on his radar. But it's beyond the age of 35 that men are suddenly forced to face the facts: their Guyland citizenship has passed its used-by-date.
As Deeson writes of his own experience: "At some point you do have to check out of Guyland, and that is what I've done recently, albeit somewhat late in life. At one-minute-to-midnight at the end of my 30s, I swapped hooking up for tidying up, and bragging about drinking for being on the receiving end of nagging about drinking."
He also says that, while many men might fear that this exit might incite fear in the hearts and minds of perpetual Guyland occupants, it's not as bad as one might first think.
"I'd like to say I've made a compromise, a trade-off between freedom and domesticity, but I have to say to all my single brethren: it is not. It's more like swapping a lifestyle that is built for mental ill health for a life of staggering happiness and just the odd row about whose turn it is to pay the cleaner."
The increasing growth in anti-commitment males has meant that the women have had to start wising up.
"Anything that starts with a twent – stay away," says my counsellor friend Jess. "They don't know what they want and, even when they find it, they quickly find an excuse to exit themselves from the situation."
The "thirts" – as she calls men in their 30s, are also a perilous time in a man's life.
"Many of the thirts become extremely accustomed to their freedom and lifestyle. So they look for a woman who will just be happy to slot into their busy schedule. It isn't the ideal situation, either."
Yet contrary to Deeson's hypothesis, many of the men I know have broken this mould. There are men in their 20s who prove to be better long-term prospects than those in their 40s. And there are men over 35 who are so hopeless at commitment, honesty and communicating that you wished you'd never met them in the first place.
So if age is often just a number, then how the heck do you know what type of man you're getting ensconced with? How do you know if they're stuck in Guyland or they've already exited and are now on the hunt for real, lasting love?
After canvassing a bunch of men (and the women who have dated them), it seems there are at least four types of bachelors stuck in Guyland – whom no matter what age they are – might just be sticking around there for all eternity ...
The Toxic Bachelor
He's a master at the game. He knows what to say to rope a woman in, and he knows the exact moment at which he needs to spit her out. The conundrum women face is not being sucked in by his charms or succumbing to his sexual plight. Because, once he's done with you, he's on to the next, and you're left licking your wounds as you ponder why this happened to you and whether all men really are bastards. They're not. But with the toxic bachelors abound, single girls should watch out.
The Career Bachelor
He's a little more difficult to spot, navigate, deal with and get over. While he might be ambivalent about getting a girlfriend at first, once he discovers that she needs a little more attention than he has time to give her, he quickly brushes her off, citing his career as the reason. Sure, he might work long hours and put all his energy into his day job, but time for you? Most likely not. As one of these types recently told me: "I'm avoiding commitment at all costs so that I can focus on my job. Getting a girlfriend means I won't be able to give her or the relationship the respect it deserves." 
The City Adventurer
Just as you get involved with him, he's off on an overseas trip, which he conveniently forgot to tell you about when you started dating him. He wants to explore the world, and he wants to do it alone. Or at least not with you by his side. A word of advice: don't wait for him to come home. And stop stalking him on Facebook ... 
The Male Spinster
He's the over 40 single dude who doesn't exactly have any intention of settling down any time soon. But while women are intrigued by the other three bachelors, this one isn't exactly envied, but rather pitied. Not that he gives a toss. As one of these 45-year-old types told Gleeson: "I never want to settle down, because why should I? I get older every year, but the chicks stay the same age. I can still pull women in their 20s, and besides, once I've had 'em I don't want to see 'em again; the thrill is in the chase."
George Clooney is one such type. With no signs of ever settling down (he's 50), he once had Nicole Kidman bet him $10,000 that he would be married by 40. He's since mailed her back the cheque saying "Double or nothing for another 10 years." She lost again.
So what's a girl to do? In order to avoid the unhappy cascade of women who fall in love with a man who lives in Guyland, my girlfriend Trish reckons she's discovered the answer: when you start dating any man, give him at least three to four months without bothering him about anything much.
"That means no neediness, no texting, no calling, no complaining about not being a priority in his life," advises Trish. Apparently sometimes this aloof female behaviour is enough to draw him out of Guyland for good.
Of course there are simply some men out there who vow to stay there forever, despite how well the woman plays the game …

Unstoppable womaniser woes

Can a strong woman quash a man’s womanising ways? Or is it a case of once a womaniser always a womaniser?
While this is a question often asked, pondered, tested and fretted over, the recent spate of news stories involving infamous womanisers proves that, most of the time, this simply can't be done.
As infamous womaniser Hugh Grant so eloquently told Newsnight the other night; men are simply "naughty by nature". Oh, and by his reckoning, famous womanisers such as himself, should be left alone by the press if they do indeed do the dirty.

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Either way the question remains: where should women - who are ensconced in relationships with womanisers - draw the line?
Most recently this question was posed to the wife of the head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who just three weeks ago was tipped to succeed Nicolas Sarkozy as the President of France.
Yet all hopes were quashed as he was charged with sexual assault on a hotel maid in New York. His wife, Anne Sinclair, has stood vehemently by her man. So is she living in denial? Brushing it off? Being the good wife? Or simply accepting the fact that men will be men? Who knows.
Most fascinating to me is why the heck women would choose to marry a well-known womaniser in the first place.
Take Maria Shriver, who was apparently well aware of Arnold Schwarzenegger's gargantuan sexual appetite before she married him. True to her marital vows, she stood by his side to brave the sexual storm that began to accumulate during his bid for the 2003 local election.
Yep, despite the fact that, according to The Guardian newspaper, at the time "a long line of women came forward to accuse him of having groped them", Shriver simply brushed it off ... then helped him to victory.
For the next few years, Shriver managed to play the role of the good wife flawlessly, until his womanising ways became too much when she discovered he fathered a love child with a member of their household staff 10 years ago. She'd had no idea and, upon this recent discovery, she finally left him.
Then there's the fascinating case of English comedian Russell Brand. In case you've been living under a rock, Brand is the ex-drug addict, ex-sex addict, ex-womanising cad turned doting husband of pop star Katy Perry. Just a few years back he was bragging about sleeping with 90 women a month to GQ magazine, and now he's living in domestic bliss in a house in the suburbs and talking about starting a family.
So how did this happen? No idea, but the question remains as to why the heck the successful, gorgeous Perry decided to give it a shot with this sort of man in the first place. Obviously her risk has paid off and she has seemingly managed to do what many women could only dream of doing to a womaniser: turn him around and "shut off his wild-oats urges". Or at least that's what journalist Craig McLean surmised in a story in Britain's Daily Telegraph.
During a series of interviews with Brand, McLean learnt that the comedian had seriously turned his life around and quotes him as saying: "As much as I wanted to be successful, I wanted to have a partner and a family. There were long periods amid my single life where I'd think, 'It’d be good to have a mate.'"
In writing this column, I deal with a lot of angst harboured by women who fall in love with womanisers. True, often these men can be mightily charming, handsome and romantic, knowing exactly what to say and what emotional buttons to press in order to get the woman hooked.
But when you become ensconced in an actual relationship with such a man, it becomes less flattering and more degrading as he continues to chase skirts, to talk about women in a fashion you wouldn't want to hear come out of the mouth of the father of your kids and to keep you guessing as to what exactly he gets up to in his spare time.
"Where should I draw the line?" the women ask, unsure whether to stick by their man during a storm, or leave promptly once an unsightly discovery is made.
Being the good wife sure has its perks; it doesn't break up a family, makes the man strive to be a better man (hopefully) and enables some sort of normality to resume. But perhaps there are just some indiscretions too painful to forgive. And as in the case of Schwarzenegger and Shriver, sometimes it becomes a case of enough is enough.
True, some blokes can transform. Or at least attempt to try. As Shane Warne writes on his Twitter page, "you cant change the past ... but [you] can put the future right!" At least he's trying ...

Can you be with one person for the rest of your life?

"Can you really see yourself being with one person for the rest of your life?"
This was the question posed to me by my girlfriend Lauren the other day, as she was contemplating whether or not to agree to commit to a man she'd recently started dating.
"Time is ticking on, so I'm not going to date guys forever," she continued. "But is this really going to be the one person I'm going to be with forever more?"

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She seemed confused. Sure, she'd done her fair share of dating. And yes, she was pretty certain that she was in love. But, still, that question niggled at the back of her mind. "Is it possible to think like that these days?" she asked me. "I mean, do you believe you could do that?"
I wanted to scream: "Yes! of course I do!" But realistically, I didn't have the answer. Nevertheless, her musings got me thinking: can modern-day singletons really see themselves settling down with just one person for the rest of their lives? Or has the transient dating scene made it impossible for any of us to contemplate such a thought?
"Absolutely not," said another girlfriend, Harriet, when I posed the same question to her over coffee a few days later. Hailing from a tiny town in northern New South Wales, Harriet reckons that if she had never moved to Sydney, she would have been married at 17 with two kids in tow by now.
"I would have never known anything different. So would I have been as happy? Probably yes."
But instead, she says that with the abundance of choice available to her and ripe for the picking (for the record she's in her late 20s with sparking sea-green eyes and a hot-to-trot body), it makes it all the more difficult for her to pick just one. I've seen the men flock around her, and I kind of know what she means.
"The problem is that there are too many ways out these days," she says. "And where I live now, there is always someone else around the corner. Or so it seems."
My friend Jake, who has a penchant for dating a number of women at once with the aim of "keeping his options open", concurs.
"I always have this mentality that the grass is greener. So nothing is concrete any more. You date, you live together, you might even get engaged. But then someone else comes along and you think, 'Am I making the right choice?' The answer is often sadly a 'no'."
When I asked my single thirtysomething mate Steve, he said that the fact there was so much choice made it all the more difficult to make a decision.
"That's why player-types will never become family men," he told me. "Too much choice makes it impossible for them to ever contemplate choosing just one."
"Are you a player?" I asked him.
"No. But that doesn't make the decision any easier for me either."
Author Barry Schwartz discusses this concept brilliantly in his book, The Paradox of Choice – Why More is Less. He writes that, while the freedom of choice we have nowadays is critical to our well-being, freedom and autonomy, nonetheless "we don't seem to be benefiting from it psychologically". Instead, he says that more choice only leads to depression and feelings of loneliness.
True, in the midst of the current non-commital sexual zeitgeist, we now come face-to-face with the fact that fewer people are settling down, there are higher divorce rates and the median marriage age has been significantly delayed.
But where does it leave those who might want to settle down? Do we simply go into it with the expectation that things will come to an end once they've run their course? Is "happily ever after" now a thing of the past?
For Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, unfortunately, the answer seems to be yes. With their 25-year marriage suddenly kaput, it seems they really did go into it with the best intentions.
In fact, just a few years ago, Shriver told the media: "We are still engaged with each other, hot for each other, into each other. There hasn't been a moment when I have been bored. I have worked and worked on my marriage, and it has paid off."
But now? "Forever" is just no longer a certainty.
When I carried out an unofficial poll on the subject, the answers were split right down the middle. Fifty per cent said it was unrealistic to envision yourself with one person for the rest of your life and that it would never work; the other 50 per cent believed it could indeed happen.
Sir Paul McCartney has recently proposed for the third time – this time to millionairess Nancy Shevell - even though his previous wife took $50 million from him.
He says this time around it is indeed "real love", and that he won't be asking his new fiancee to sign a prenup. Third time lucky perhaps? Only time will tell …

Don't be that girl..

It seems that when a date, relationship or casual fling goes pear-shaped, women often like to blame the man for their sudden hot-turned-sour situation.
"Oh, he's just a commitment-phobe," they say.
"He just wanted sex," they cry.

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"He couldn't handle my success!" they tell themselves.
Yet if you ask a bunch of single gents, they'll give you an entirely different viewpoint.
"It wasn't me, it was her," many of them say.
"I don't mind committing to the right person … but she definitely wasn't it," they tell me.
"Seriously, women these days ... what's wrong with them!?"
While I often groan when I hear their proclamations, I've recently started to wonder what exactly it is about these single women that scares away the blokes, morphing them into non-communicating, commitment-phobic playboys, when in fact they weren't all that bad to begin with.
Most women would have no clue. Instead, a woman will spend hours conjuring up a range of fantastical reasons as to why the man rejected her, wouldn't commit, didn't call her after the first date, didn't call after sex or didn't contact her after he said he loved her.
Yet there are legitimate reasons as to why he does this, or so I've recently discovered. Yet somehow we never really get to hear the honest, raw, real male point of view. Sure, we can speculate as much as possible, but we end up going round in circles, never quite coming up with a viable (or at least an honest) reason as to why we got dumped.
Not any more.
Introducing Dr Travis Stork, the author of Don't Be That Girl, who is finally laying out all the crazy-girl-behaviour on the table and warning women everywhere: stop blaming the blokes and start looking within.
If you've never watched the television show The Bachelor, Stork was on the hit show in season eight.
During the show, he got to date 25 gorgeous women in the hope of finding "the one".  Yet, unlike all the other bachelors, Stork - an emergency physician - could not choose one to marry.
Nevertheless he learnt a valuable lesson out of it all which he's keen to pass on to the women of the world.
"It may not actually be the man that's at fault; it may be you," he said. "He may not necessarily be afraid of commitment. He may only be afraid of a commitment with you."
In a bid to find out more, I took a closer look at Stork's book. He writes that there are eight types of women with whom commitment is not an option. While some of his observations are rather astute, others seem a little at odds with someone who was desperate enough to enter into a reality show in order to find a wife.
Nevertheless here they are. See what you think ...
Agenda Girl
Stork says the Agenda Girl is a woman who is obsessed with getting married, and isn't afraid to say it ... sometimes even on the first date.
"She thinks her biological clock is ticking and she needs to be married by 30 or she's failed," he writes. "She has a five-year plan that sounds something like this. Meet the right guy within a year. Get married within three. Have a baby in five. Game over. I win. And we live happily ever after."
Is that really so bad? Coming from a man who entered into a reality show to do just that, I'm surprised that he's surprised that these women wanted to get married, too. But reality shows aside, I do know these types of women all too well.
Most conversations with this breed of female tend to go along those lines: "I need to get married before 30", "Have I failed if I'm not married?", "How will I find a husband?", "How do I get my date to propose?"
But here's the conundrum: if a woman never mentions the future, she could risk dating a man who never intends to marry her, and therefore she will end up wasting precious years when she could be with someone who is prepared to commit. The solution? Let things progress naturally but have an ultimatum in your head: if he hasn't brought things up after a year, then it's time to lay your agenda out on the table … subtly of course.
Yes Girl
Writes Stork: "The Yes Girl cannot agree enough with everything her date or boyfriend says … While these girls are fun at first, the lack of conflict gets old really quickly … she might look like she's always putting her man first but actually she brings no passion, knowledge or anything else to the party."
I have to agree. Men always tell me they like a challenge, and some of them I've canvassed have actually dumped a woman who agrees with everything they say. If you are smart, challenging and interesting to a man, it piques his interest and makes him want to stay around a little longer to find out just how smart (or not) you really are.
Drama Queen Girl
You know her all too well: everything is dramatic, causes tears and is grounds for a hissy fit. From an unanswered text message to the fact her new date refuses to accompany her to her best friend's birthday party to the way her hair won't sit right.
"Men don't want to date Drama Queen Girl because you're unreliable and, ultimately, exhausting," says Stork. The solution? Stork suggests being quiet, talking only 30 per cent of the time and taking a month off from complaining about anything whatsoever. Yes, a month. 
Bitter Girl  
These are the women who Stork describes as holding a grudge against the entire male population. "She's been hurt before and she's going to make sure that it never happens again … she alienates men with her behaviour wherever she goes."
I have to disagree with Stork here. Sometimes I find that treating men this way actually makes them want to try harder to impress her and to prove to her that he's different from the rest. And a gal these days is allowed to be a little bitter, especially after she's been royally burnt by a man who was probably not even worthy of her affections in the first place.
But just in case this tactic isn't actually working to your favour, how should you combat the Bitter Girl syndrome? Stork suggests taking up an activity such as yoga or gardening. Um, really? Somehow I'm not so sure that's going to help a woman get the power back. But we can sure try …
Insecure Girl
Says Stork: "Self-doubt just isn't sexy: if you don't like yourself, how can you expect men to?"
True indeed. While gaining confidence is easier said than done, take the motto of my girlfriend Trish and "fake it till you make it". Then see the blokes scurry to get your attention.
Desperate Girl 
"This is the girl who will phone-stalk a guy until she gets his attention. She absolutely will not be ignored. Sound familiar?"
Indeed it does. Somehow women can't help it. We need, crave and yearn for emotional connection and verbal communication. Of course as Stork laments, men love the thrill of the chase. And by us badgering the poor dude, we're only backing him into a corner. Stork's suggestion? Don't talk to a guy you meet for more than 10 minutes before walking away. Hey, it's worth a try.
Working Girl
Ah, the Alpha Female. Powerful, successful and can hold a mean boardroom meeting. But surely men are supposed to be supportive and in awe of a smart woman? Don't men like and revere a gal with a successful career? Apparently not.
"She hides behind her career, using it as an excuse to get out of the intimidating world of relationships, and is often heard saying that she doesn't need a man because she's too busy with her job," he writes.
The problem with this? "Men don't like being second to anything, and they don't like being cancelled on for a last-minute meeting, or having pillow talk interrupted by your BlackBerry." Oops.
Lost Girl
She's the one constantly in relationships which make her unhappy and, in turn, turn her insane. And then after complaining to anyone who will listen (including her new date), she's surprised when no one will marry her ...
My thoughts on this all? 
I'm prepared to admit that I've exhibited at least one (if not all) of these behavioural traits. After all, it's in our feminine nature to do so. What about you?

Sophia Abella showing off her bikini bod in Ligpo Island

Sophia Abella new twitter pics

Is Marriage necessary?

So, I was speaking to a guy the other night who disclosed to me (after a few drinks) that, to him, marriage wasn't necessary. He said that while he still wanted to have kids and raise a family, he believed that once the kids were grown up, he might not want to be with his partner any longer and therefore feels he should have free rein to leave the relationship if he chooses to do so. Without the courts, finances, houses or legal battles getting in the way.
"Think about all the long-term things we go into: a mortgage, buying a new car, a job – all those things are fairly easy to change. But marriage? That's really painful to get out of," he said.
While his attitude was rather pessimistic, highly unromantic and not exactly appealing to a single 20-something female, he might have a point. And on further inspection, it seems that this sentiment is widely shared by the current generation of single males.

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Evidence of this is a recent Time magazine article, which caught many eyes when it was published last year.
Under the heading "Who Needs Marriage? A Changing Institution", it detailed the fact that these days neither men nor women actually need marriage to have kids, raise a family or for companionship or professional success. And yet somehow the institution – despite its decreasing popularity - still "remains revered and desired".
"Promising publicly to be someone's partner for life used to be something people did to lay the foundation of their independent life. It was the demarcation of adulthood. Now it's more of a finishing touch, the last brick in the edifice, sociologists believe," the article said.
It also explained the reason that more and more couples are opting to live together out of wedlock. Because many of them don't have jobs any more and therefore "don't have enough money to live alone".
Eager to find out more, I got bestselling relationship author Allan Pease on the phone to discuss exactly what the current generation's thoughts are on marriage, commitment and the whole shebang ... and why there was so much anti-marriage sentiment. Oh, and since I had the king of relationships, sex and dating on the phone, I decided to throw in a few extra questions that hopefully will answer a few of the concerns that you've raised with me over the past few weeks. Here's how the conversation went:
S: Allan, is marriage necessary?
A: Well, I'm married and I've been married twice in 41 years. For men, on the surface, it seems there is nothing in it for us. But when I polled married men and asked them what they liked about marriage, they all named services that their wife provides for them. These include things such as she's a good cook, good with the kids and good in bed. They all described services you can pay for! Women, on the other hand, described what they liked about marriage as how their husbands made them feel. They told me things like, he's funny, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel special and important.
S: Why do so many think then that marriage is unnecessary?
A: When it comes to marriage, men will often say, "It's just a bloody ring so who cares? Why would you do it?" I was the same. When I was with Barbara [to whom he is now married] after my marriage of 20 years ended, she really wanted to get married. But I told her it was a waste of $500 and that a ring meant nothing to me. I didn't care what the Pope thought! And this is a common way of how many men think. Yet, from my surveys, it appears that 80 per cent of women say they would prefer to get married to a guy they really love.
So here's the difference: because of the social implications, when a guy decides to marry you, he is making a public declaration that you are the No.1 woman in his life. And what a woman wants more than anything is to know a man they love is putting her as his No.1 priority. Marriage is a public declaration that you are No.1.
Also women who get married have a higher orgasm rate than women who are not. There is an emotional benefit with the fact that she has a ring. Therefore she feels special and, in turn, she starts to treat him differently.
When a woman gets married, she treats her man with far better benefits than if she didn't marry him. Guys say it makes no difference, but they are wrong. Because it makes a huge difference for her and, therefore in turn, his life actually gets better! It was when I realised how this works that I agreed to marry Barbara. And it's true.
S: Will and Kate waited and had an extremely long courtship – eight years to be exact. Do you advise this for a longer lasting marriage?
A: It's a try before you buy situation, isn't it? He'd been bonking her for eight years! So he knew exactly what he was getting himself into. Also research into couples who live together versus those who don't before marriage shows that there is virtually no difference to their divorce rate. But the longer you've been together, the longer you get to work things out and iron out any kinks. So you avoid the situation of marrying someone who is not compatible with you.
S: How many loves do you think we get in a lifetime?
A: The average man has eight long-term partners by the time he gets to 40. The average woman has had three. However, women ideally say that they'd like to have just two long-term relationships in their lifetime and men say they'd like to have three. We'd rather have fewer longer-term partners and choose more wisely in the first place.
S: What do you think about men who want to have kids without getting married?
A:  Lots of couples do that. In fact married couples these days only make up 49 per cent of couples who have been together for longer than a year. However, not being married has vast implications on their kids – especially when it comes to having different names …. It creates all sorts of problems.
S: There's recently been statistics released Lilly Australia that found 66 per cent of men aged over 40 not being able to get it up. For 43 per cent of men, just the thought of having sex can make them anxious. And I've noticed the increase in emails from women complaining their men have this problem, but refuse to talk about it. What's going on?
A: Yes that's correct. For men over the age of 40, 66 per cent have these problems. That's two out of three men. Yet only 13 per cent of them will ever discuss it. The rest do nothing. Yet they think their masculinity has gone. So instead of talking about it or getting help, they buy a new boat or a new car or some aviator sunglasses. They start working longer hours and refuse to get into bed at the same time as their partners in order to avoid intimacy. The problem is that women don't realise it's a physical or psychological problem and they think that their man doesn't love them any more. It causes major problems in relationships and is the cause of many divorces.
S: So what is the cause of this problem for men?
A: It can either be physical or psychological. Either way, more men need to braver to go and talk about it with their GP. Face the music and get help!
S: Your latest book is titled Why Men Want Sex And Women Need Love. Is it really true that men only want sex while women want love?
A: Absolutely. This fact is based on brain scans. Sex and love for men are in different parts of their brain. Sometimes they happen together but sometimes they don't. Men don't even need to like a woman to have sex with her; they can just do it. For women, however, sex and love are in the same part of their brain so therefore sex and love go together. Therefore for most women, they actually have to really like a man in order to sleep with him.
S: My colleague Sam de Brito reckons all men are liars. Do you agree?
A: When it comes to sex, mostly yes. And the problem is so many women believe men's lies, especially when they will say whatever is necessary to have sex with her. It doesn't mean all men are lying all the time but when he is up to his eyeballs in testosterone, he will lie to have sex. It's the same hormone that drives him to hunt and to gain success in the work place. High testosterone blocks the temporal part of the male brain, and impedes his rational thought. So therefore it will cause a man to think on a basic animal basis. That's why, if he has a problem with his erection, his whole life goes down the plug!
S: So how do you activate the love part of a man's brain?
A: Turn up with a six-pack and a pizza! Seriously, though, men are driven by sex and they might trip into love. That's why men will care and love a woman more after sex, not before. Of course it's the opposite for women as we are diametrically opposed. And if romance is the price a man will have to pay for sex, that's what he'll do. So you have to let him know that you're not going to believe his lies and he actually has to show some real romantic and caring actions before you'll jump into bed with him.
S: Why do some men go quiet after they've got what they wanted from a woman?
A: When they go quiet, it's because you served a biological purpose for them and now they have nothing else to talk to you about. That's why it's important for women to choose the right guy to sleep with in the first place. And remember, men always lie to get sex. And if they say they aren't lying, then they're lying again ...

Do you believe in fairy tale endings? Or did disney just make it

“Modern women live in the movies … men don’t.” This was the sentiment expressed to me by my personal trainer friend who hears it day in and day out: women doing (and talking about doing) crazy things in the name of love, finding her prince and living happily ever after. Tangential goals? Some say yes.
Nevertheless many single women feel like they’d better hike up their skirts, lower their T-shirts, slap on some lippy and waltz out into the big bad world (or the nearest pub) in an attempt to find him, flirt with him, bag him, bed him and marry him as quickly as possible before all the good ones get snapped up, our eggs freeze over or we're left on the shelf for all eternity.
“The women I talk to get fixated on these men and think that by doing huge romantic gestures, the man will fall in love and everything will end up in a fairytale," says the trainer. "But it never works out that way."

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With all the royal wedding fever everywhere we look, many women the world over are thinking about their own fairytale ending – or lack thereof – and it’s getting many a singleton’s knickers in a knot.
While they once dreamt of finding their Prince Right and living happily ever after, now many are wondering if they should just “settle for Mr Good Enough” as author Lori Gottlieb recently implored us to do. Or, if we should just forget all about it and shun the idea of marriage altogether, as author Cynthia S Smith told us in Why Women Shouldn’t Marry. Should we dismiss the words marriage, prince and dating right out of our lexicon because all men want these days is casual sex and a booty call buddy on their speed dial?
Of course these days, admitting that you would quite fancy a fairytale ending of your own not only comes across as anti-feminist and un-appreciative of all the things women nowadays can achieve sans a man, but you put yourself in danger of scaring away every commitment-phobic bloke who glances your way. Somehow we’ve gotten to the point where dreams of marriage and relationships are only something to be whispered quietly in the confines of your own home while watching Sex and the City re-runs with your equally hopeful (or hopeless) girlfriends and are left secretly lusting after Bridget Jones’s happy ending, even if that means braving an icy street in your underwear. As long as you get the man, who cares how you get there, right?
Sounds a little crazy but according to Dr Patrick Wanis, a celebrity life coach and human behavior and relationship expert, it’s not our faults that we might actually (albeit secretly) want it all. After all, women have been conditioned from a young age to believe in the fairytale.
“Society encourages women to be romantic, to place great emphasis on love, and its idealism,” Wanis tells me via email from Los Angeles. “Much of the literature that children grow up reading promotes the ultimate fantasy as the rescue of the beautiful woman by the knight in shining armor or the handsome prince. The heroine is the woman that is beautiful, kind and gracious but she is helpless, suffering at the hands of other women jealous of her beauty. Her only hope for happiness and freedom is the love of the handsome, rich and powerful man (the prince) who will rescue her, provide for her and bring her eternal happiness with his unwavering, undying love and worship of her.”
So is it only the women who are wrapped up in the idea that love and romance will rescue us from ourselves and catapult us into a real-life fairytale bringing about happiness and fulfilment for all eternity?
“Women are more emotional than men and place greater emphasis on love and relationships than men do,” says Wanis. “The limbic system, or emotional brain, tends to be larger in women. The limbic system is the emotional bonding centre of the brain. The larger limbic size makes bonding easier for women and they tend to have more friends in life and have a larger nesting instinct than men.”
And it’s not exactly that healthy either. Wanis tells me that while fairytales create and drive the concepts of hope and idealism, they can also be harmful due to “the false expectation that the romantic love and infatuation alone will guarantee happiness, free of all possible trials, tribulations or hard work".
"The fairytales always end before the children are born and before either partner has to work or take on life’s every day responsibilities and challenges. Fairytales cannot exist in real life because they teach that the only challenges that one will face are the ones leading up to the union of the man and woman, and that once that conquest has been made, they will live happily ever after!”
I know about these false expectations all too well.
“Why have a boyfriend?” my friends used to say to me. “You’re successful without one! Be single! Enjoy your life! Have fun!"
They forgot to mention that the minute you let one go, suddenly you’re stuck looking everywhere else for another one. And when all the other ones don’t quite match up to your ex, you’re left wondering if your single friends had it all wrong.
Perhaps the fairytale does exist, but it's not as we once thought. Perhaps you have to work at making it work, and not just ditch it at the first sign of conflict. Perhaps real-life fairytales have conflict, ups, downs, problems and even - gasp! - solutions. Perhaps this is what real love is all about ... and the fairytale is just the beginning.
Concludes Wanis: "Ultimately, for all humans, regardless of gender, true fulfilment only comes from serving others and making a difference. Although, today we have moved away from the idea of helping others and have become the ‘me, me, me generation’, obsessed by narcissism and the idea of ‘winning’ – we have lost what truly makes us happy and fulfilled – love in all of its forms and expressions - affection, friendship, romance and unconditional love.”
Even if it means the fairytale might not look like the way it does in the movies ...

What constitutes a "hot" woman?

When Kate Middleton's sister Philippa "Pippa" Middleton walked down the aisle in a slim-line cowl-necked ivory dress with a hint of cleavage and a cinched-in waist, red-blooded males the world over dropped their jaws.
Blokes went googly-eyed for the young sibling of the princess-to-be and swooned over her on Twitter, Facebook and fan pages alike. The common consensus was simply this: that she was hot, hot, hot stuff.
Never before in writing this column have I seen a flurry of male interest in a woman on television. Sure, when Sophie Monk first appeared, all bleach-blonde hair and big breasts on our screens, men didn't talk about much else; or when Pamela Anderson sloshed around Los Angeles's waters in a red one-piece that left little to the imagination, men certainly created new fantasies in their heads.

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But it seems with Pippa's appearance over the weekend, it's created a new definition of hot, evidenced by the proliferation of social networking sights dedicating entire fan pages to her derriere. Her Facebook fan page has 120,000 fans, there's merchandise dedicated to her butt and there are a number of websites dedicated to praising her hotness.
Not exactly quite sure what the big appeal actually was, I decided to do a poll of 20 men – some married, some dating and most single. The consensus? That she's a gal who looks like someone they could take home to their mum.
While this definition had me slightly confused, I'm actually rather glad that men these days seem to have evolved into thinking about women as future mothers of their children, rather than someone to be f---ed and chucked.
Yet despite the increased admiration of Pippa, the jury is still out on what men want. One man I recently hung out with liked me in flats, T-shirts, my hair pulled back and minimal make-up. Another preferred miniskirts, high heels, oodles of cleavage and long, loosely curled hair. And the women I've polled are equally confused too.
One girlfriend has recently jumped headfirst into a new relationship and, on her boyfriend's request, had to go shopping for "girlfriend-appropriate" outfits. In other words, she's thrown out her single-gal-on-the-town dresses in favour of longer skirts, more tailored, less slutty-looking outfits and loads of beige. Which seemed to fit in with a quick experiment I did over the weekend.
Look around on a Sunday morning over brunch and you'll notice that the girlfriends are dressed very differently to the single girls. Girlfriends are usually in ballet flats sans make-up with their hair pulled back. Girlfriends are content, don't look like they're trying too hard and are generally adept at keeping their man's attention without looking like a dessert on a platter.
On the other hand, the gaggle of single girls who band together seem to all be in short skirts and too much make-up. Do they do it to boost their own egos? In the hope of attracting a husband? To increase the amount of male attention directed towards them? Perhaps.
True, some men like fake breasts, others like them natural. Some like long, bleach-blonde hair, others like natural brunettes. Some like their girlfriends to play down their dress sense; others revel in the fact that every man stops to gawk at their girlfriend as she walks down the street.
But said Scott Haltzman, the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women, "When a man is in love, what he finds really attractive is the feeling that he's seeing you for who you truly are … To a guy, the make-up, the sexy outfit, it's all a mask. He wants the woman behind the mask. Openness, vulnerability, an air of contentment - those things are what really turns him on."
Nevertheless, I decided to poll three men in depth: a single guy, a boyfriend and a married man. Here's what they had to say:
THE SINGLE GUY
Chad Yesilova, 27, managing director, esc drink
What constitutes a "hot" woman to you?
A healthy, fun, confident, self-respecting girl who is conscious of the way she presents herself.
Many thought Kate Middleton's sister Pippa looked "hot" on the wedding day. What did you think? Why do so many guys think that ? 
I didn't watch the royal wedding, but I did notice the fan page dedicated to Pippa! The photos selected in the fan page made it obvious to me why many consider her hot. She has an amazing smile, great figure - curvaceous, she's well dressed, poised and elegant yet has an approachable and nurturing vibe. She would definitely fall into the hot, take home, introduce to family category and would be popular for the qualities listed above.
When you look at a single girl, what's the difference between sexy and girlfriend material?
Short skirt, cleavage brings out the natural instincts in a guy to look at her, after all it is demanding attention! Some act on that notion and go for a girl who dresses that way. But different guys have different opinions as to whether it's girlfriend material and I personally don't see it as girlfriend material.
OK, so what do you think a girl who is girlfriend material looks like?
Most important thing to me has always been a nice smile. She has to be comfortable in what she wears. Nice fashion sense – not necessarily designer labels, but elegant, sophisticated yet cool. Well poised and confident in her own skin.
When you have a girlfriend, would you prefer her to dress more demurely, or continue to dress to impress?
I would be happy for her to continue wearing what she's most comfortable in and what she enjoys wearing, regardless. That is what would impress me initially and what would continue to impress me if the relationship progressed further.
Are you a jeans and T-shirt (on a girl) kind of guy or do you prefer miniskirts and cleavage and heels?
Depends on the occasion. Miniskirts and cleavage have a negative stigma in this context, but if you can pull it off with the other qualities, why not? Generally though? Jeans and a T-shirt work best for me.
What are your thoughts on make-up?
LESS is MORE! Nothing beats the natural look.
What about breasts? Natural or fake?
Real! Only natural, I believe in ageing gracefully.
Who (celebrity-wise) do you think is the hottest and the type you'd want as your girlfriend? 
Rachel McAdams, Amy Smart, Natalie Portman. They all have amazing smiles, a graceful and elegant vibe that is present in the way they carry themselves as well as the way they present themselves.

THE BOYFRIEND
Michael, 26, lawyer
What constitutes a "hot" woman to you? 
Confidence, some sort of intelligence, physically attractive i.e. nice body, some curves/breasts, cute ass, nice skin. She should be well dressed and have class.
Many thought Kate Middleton's sister Pippa looked "hot" on the wedding day. What did you think? Why do so many guys think that ?
Yes, I agree. Reasons are she has a beautiful smile, she's well-groomed and she's wholesome. She looks like a girl you could take home to your mum.
Some men want their girlfriends to dress down, what do you think?
My girlfriend dresses up when we go out and I actually like the fact that other guys stare at her legs/ass/boobs. I have no problem with guys trying to pick her up in a club...this all makes me feel lucky to be dating her. She dresses up the same way a single girl would dress (short, sexy etc), and I like that.
When you look at a single girl, what do you see?
Like any other guy (dating or not), when I see a hot girl I think "that's hot, and I want to give that a go". There's a difference though between thinking it, and actually cheating on your girlfriend though.
What do you think a girl who is girlfriend material looks like?
I think a short skirt, nice boobs, nice legs (but all class); independent; capable and confident, intelligent, successful, faithful, kinky in the bedroom, willing to party and have fun but also enjoy a night in. Plus a girl you want to spend all your hard earned money on but who doesn't expect you to. It's also someone who takes pride in herself, someone I can comfortably introduce to friends, family and work colleagues. Also confidence and a sense of humour help. The physical attributes are hard to nail down I don’t seem to have a certain type that I look for but a healthy, natural look always seems to work.
With your girlfriend, would you prefer her to dress more demurely, or continue to dress to impress? What about make-up? Hair? Saturday night outfits?
Dress to impress.  Not too much make-up.  Well groomed (i.e. hair, Brazilian down there, etc), and Saturday night outfits, yes please. It's a function of effort.  Guys put in effort by organising overseas holidays and weekends away, expensive dinners and exciting things to do at night. "Dressing to impress" is the girl, in a different way, showing effort.
Are you a jeans and T-shirt (on a girl) kind of guy or do you prefer miniskirts and cleavage and heels?
Jeans and T-shirt for lunch, and miniskirts, cleavage and heels for dinner.
Who (celebrity-wise) do you think is the hottest and the type you'd want your girlfriend to look like?
Jessica Alba (a few years ago before the baby)

THE MARRIED GUY
Troy, 41, police officer
How do you define a "hot" woman?
It starts with a pretty face, is augmented by a great figure (for me it's curves rather than skinny or athletic). The package is completed with an intelligent and confident personality. A girl can be hot with the face and figure, but a vacuous or nasty personality rapidly reduces hotness. Similarly a sensational personality increases the attractiveness of a nice face and figure, but a woman really needs a combination of all three to be "hot".
Did you think Pippa Middleton looked "hot" at the wedding? If so, why? 
She looked "hot" because she has the pretty face combined with the great figure, which was clearly on display in that tight dress. Agreeing to wear that dress knowing that millions would be looking at her demonstrates confidence and there's a pretty strong implication that she would have a high level of intelligence and class.
Does your wife dress "down"? Do you prefer it, considering that means other guys aren't looking at her legs/butt/boobs?
My wife doesn't dress "down" and I wouldn't want her to.  She's extremely sexy and I know that guys are going to check her out. I don't mind this because I know she's loyal to me, so I encourage her to wear bikinis at the beach, hot pants when shopping, and tight fitting dresses on formal occasions. Classy sexy is very different to trampy sexy. I wouldn't want trampy sexy whether single or married. I get a buzz knowing that other guys check out my wife, but that they recognise her as classy sexy rather than trampy sexy. It's a reflection on me that I have such a hot girl on my arm, but what really tops it off is that I know she is an ideal "politician's wife". Whether we're having dinner with a magistrate or mingling with the mayor at a work function, she's an excellent conversationalist who can speak about a range of issues relevant to the nature of the event.
What do you think a girl who is wife material looks like?
I'll go with my wife. Gorgeous face, figure like a bikini model, long blonde hair, dresses to impress (but knows when is appropriate). Teases me around the house in short skirts and a skimpy top that shows off her nipples. Wears a bit more if we're out shopping but will flash her G string at me if the grocery aisle is empty. Has nice D cup breasts and wears clothes that show them off in a stylish way. For example, she wears a fitted business shirt and skirt to work which is appropriate and in accordance with a conservative dress code but doesn't hide her figure like some who wear oversized blouses, jumpers, or full length pants. She knows she's sexy and that I love it so she often plays up to it, but she's also aware that not everyone appreciates overt sexuality so she behaves appropriately in public. Get her in a nightclub after a few drinks and she enjoys the admiring attention she gets from others but always plays up to me even more to send the message to others "look but don't touch". If I was less secure in our marriage I'd probably get jealous but I realise the ego boost she gets flows into our marriage and home life which lets her feel sexy despite our mortgage/kids/work routine. When she feels sexy at home, I benefit enormously, so I'm all for her letting her hair down and being the centre of attention every now and then.
With your wife, would you prefer her to dress more demurely, or continue to dress to impress? What about make-up? Hair? Saturday night outfits?
I like what she does. When she was younger she sometimes went a bit overboard with make-up and trying to outdo other girls with skimpy clothes but having matured into an intelligent and classy woman she now knows she doesn't need to compete. She's found her niche and knows how to maximise her style. She's light on the make-up, which I like. We went to a wedding last weekend and she layered the make-up on a bit thick which I commented on but she stated it was because there would be a lot of flash photography. Sure enough, looking at the photos taken on the night she looks a million bucks. When a "Saturday night" event is coming up (wedding, race day, etc) she'll spend weeks finding the right outfit and always seems to nail the right combination of style and sexiness.
Are you a jeans and T-shirt (on a girl) kind of guy or do you prefer miniskirts and cleavage and heels
I like miniskirts and cleavage. Not so much heels. But a "hot" girl makes jeans and T-shirt look good so I'm good with both. What I don't like are clothes that are bulky and detract from the girl. Belts, scarves, jewellery etc should be minimalist. I don't want to be looking at an oversized belt when I'd rather be admiring the gentle curve of a hip. I don't want to have five dangling hoop earrings obscuring the sensual slope of a neck.
Who (celebrity-wise) do you think is the hottest and the type you'd want your wife to look like?
Scarlett Johansson is probably my ideal in terms of hotness and not surprisingly my wife is fairly spot on in that area with a gorgeous face, long blonde hair, and a curvey figure.
What do you think?