What Sophia Abella does when she's alone

Thank you for taking your time to understand my words and my thoughts. Thank you for being reactive and seeking more understanding.

I like to give, be there for people - especially someone I like, very
much (although I believe this does not influence my wish to help where I
can). As I said, when I am not obviously being serious, I am fooling
around - life is serious enough and we have to find the light side of
almost everything so stay sane. Especially if we ponder on the meaning
of "everything", which I have done a lot and which I believe you do too!

I believe, principally, there are three things which make people scared
of change - and they all result from experience...

1. People learn in life. To learn, we (mostly) have to experience pain -
especially kids. So, once we learn about one thing and believe we
understand it, we make a tick in the box and move on. Change often means
"re-learning". Now, throughout our lives we learn that learning can be
painful! So, when we are faced with a choice, do we really want to hurt
ourselves more and relearn?

2. There is an old expression - "the devil you know is better than the
devil you do not know". More often than not, people summon up the
courage to make the change, not through logical thought and evaluation,
but because of an emotional reaction. So, they change direction and all
of a sudden - nothing turns out as they had expected. They find
themselves in a right mess. The change was for the worse. Now, in this
situation, the logical answer would be to back-track, but unfortunately,
so many of us are so bloody-minded and stubborn that we do not allow
ourselves to embark on this "cowardly" approach - we battle on and get
deeper in the mess (some say shit, but I don't!) ... So, the change
becomes a real horror and bad experience, which makes us even more
adamant to avoid change in the future.

3. When a change is made, "things" tend to get worse before they get
better. However, this is usually due to lack of planning the change
properly. You will notice in business, when companies plan a change
nowadays, all sorts of processes are set in motion - mainly "risk
mitigation" - i.e. avoid the shit we would get into if the change were
made purely from an emotional reaction...

Hey, we are living in a "cotton-wool" world, where society "protects" us
from all sorts of things we should be exposed to (and learn to try to
avoid from a very early age - i.e. only do when necessary). Only a few
thousand years ago, we were hunters - we killed on a daily basis. Blood
and killing was necessary for our survival. In those times, we would
probably have preferred romance,dramas and "good news" to give us
balance! Now, society tries to stamp out any form of "natural" instinct
and brand it as "bad", "primitive". Hey, damn it, we are primitive - we
need to hunt, fish, live with nature, understand our place in the world
- we are predators - just because we buy unrecognizable dead animals in
supermarkets, packed in pretty cartons (which, incidentally suffered
more that any hunted animal) does not mean we are better than other
carnivores. But society has tried to elevate man above nature, make him
something better... and quite simply - genetically that can not work.

So, we like bad new to give us balance. One thing, strange about me (I
know there are many things strange about me!!!) - I do accept bullies
(bad)news and every day learning "good" news can bring tears to my eyes
because I see hope.

Very perceptive- I sometimes felt I would like to know that I
used to be attractive when I am no longer attractive, but in the interim
I know that is nonsense! I took photos of myself to sell myself. I am
glad I look like this at my age and if I am looking for an attractive
and younger person, logic tells me I need to show that I am not what
they may expect of an woman who's lived difficulties.
Self-esteem? No, I only feel bad about myself when I cause others pain.
I am quite confident and enjoy the report and respect I get from those
around me - I am much liked, simply because I am kind, considerate,
understanding and respectful to others. I do not give a damn if it's the
tea-boy, driver or CEO. I will give them all the same warmth and respect
when I meet them - then it is up to them how they want to react with
me... and I can be very cold if I believe a person "not good" - very
cold indeed...

Can't remember last time I was so emotional like this?! Wow, I am getting
older. Should I gamble?? Why not, I'm here. Soon I celebrate my 30th Birthday.