I remember the day when I was reading as an avid fan for a woman's magazine. The picture editor walked in, her face glowing. As she approached the communal desk station, she held out her hand to reveal a sparkling heart-shaped diamond ring.
"I'm engaged!" she squealed with delight. Some of the women in the room ran up to hug her; others turned crimson with jealousy - yet still managed to spit out the words, "We're all so happy for you!" And most just sat nodding politely, while secretly wondering if their turn would ever come.
Discussion for the rest of the day (and week, and the next seven months), centred on her dress, the venue, guest list, band, bridesmaid's dresses, make-up artist, hens' night, hair style, tanning regime, exercise regime … it didn't matter what the topic of the day was; talk always returned to more exciting matters: her wedding.
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I was still in my teens at the time and, while marriage was nowhere near on my radar, one thing was firmly cemented in my mind: if you were engaged or married, other women thought you were awesome.
It's a universal truth that when it comes to the sticky topic of marriage and getting a man to propose, the women who are able to do so (because let's face it, no man is going to do it all on his own) are celebrated, fawned over and envied by their colleagues, friends and family members. Paradoxically, the men in offices who get married are often pitied. Or at least not exactly gushed over like women are.
But why? Surely it's something to celebrate? Surely it's something their single brethren struggling to find a mate would be envious of? Apparently not. And I had no idea why either, until one man enlightened me the other day when I asked him what he thought of my recent column describing "Guyland" – the place men like to live in as long as possible and to revel in being non-committal, non-attached and definitely not yet hitched.
"You forgot one thing in your article," he told me. "The pressure men give one another to remain single."
"Go on," I encouraged him, intrigued.
"Well, I get pressure from my colleagues to stay single. Not that I really care too much what they say, but it is kind of 'cool' to be single. Some men love being able to tell their married colleagues how awesome their life is; drinking, picking up girls, etc. You are definitely more respected if you are living the single life. In the male bonding world, picking up is better than not picking up."
"So the hitched-up blokes are ashamed to say they're married?" I asked.
"Woah, I wouldn't say ashamed," he replied quickly. "I'd just say that if men love their wives, they'll only mention it in private. In fact it is very, very rare for a married guy to talk about marriage favourably."
Um, not every guy. In fact, when I think about the way my older, more mature male bosses and colleagues behave, many of them aren't opposed to being married at all. In fact, many of them could think of nothing worse than having to chase skirts, go on dates, lie to get laid, and then do it all over again the next day, simply for the bragging rights.
"Yeah, that's the other caveat," my male friend said. "Because it's only up to a point. Once you reach a certain stage, then you start to judge your life by other things; cars, houses, titles, family, kids, marriage and success."
Women are the opposite. If you're married, you're awesome. It's the ultimate status symbol. And age doesn't matter either. Instead, listening to your single female colleagues moan constantly about bad dates, empty one-night stands and getting dumped (again) gets a tad boring. We are pitied rather than envied.
"But its pretty much the opposite with guys," my friend said. "Because guys judge each other by their perceived attractiveness to the opposite sex. See, for guys, getting laid a lot is the equivalent of the way women look up to the ones who are married. The playboy lifestyle. Look at every TV show aimed at guys – the guy is never married."
True, men from Charlie Sheen to George Clooney to even the reluctant-to-get-married Brad Pitt are male heroes for most men. As for women? We look up to those women who seem to "have it all". And as we strive to achieve this ourselves, the hardest part is perhaps convincing the man in your life that having a hot wife by his side who provides home-cooked meals and regular sex is something to be bragged about, not ashamed of.
But hey, at least a gal can try ...
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