Monogamy … is monotonous. There, I said it. I know this from the fact that a whopping 8½ million people have joined the website The Ashley Madison Agency, a site specifically designed as an online hub for married folk to cheat. I know this from the rise in infidelity, the rising divorce rate, the growing reluctance to get married and "settle", and from being in my own decade-long relationship.
Sure, monogamy has its perks. And, yes, one day I hope to be in a long-term monogamous relationship again without the fear of boredom, monotony or the need to take an extended "break" from it all in order to see what else is out there. (For the record, singledom is not all it's made out to be.)
But I think the Farrelly brothers may have recently touched a nerve in all those bored married folk with their latest film project. In an attempt to offer a solution to all this monotonous monogamous relationship hullabaloo, the infamous filmmaking brothers have just released the flick Hall Pass. The premise of the film? That if long-term monogamous relationships are indeed so lacklustre and mind-numbingly boring, then why not give your partner a chance to do something about it without fear of the consequences?
The film centres on two best mates Rick and Fred (played by Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis) who've both been married for many years and are starting to become restless with their partners. Hence their wives band together and decide to grant their blokes a "hall pass" – one entire week to do whatever they want … no questions asked and no chance of them being labelled heartless cads as a consequence of it. The bonus is that after the week is up, both men can then return to their monogamous relationships like nothing ever happened, bar sowing a few wild oats and hopefully without an STD.
While at first it appears to both Rick and Fred that they've hit the sexual jackpot, they quickly discover that the opportunity to do the dirty on their wives is not all it's cracked up to be.
While the lesson of the film is obvious, married men (who've been shunned for cheating) are going to be mightily pissed off that they didn't think of it first.
"I just should have asked my wife!" they might think, envious of those dudes who get to have a hall pass of their own.
Indeed if hall passes were given out regularly, imagine the relationships they would save. Bored coupled-up folk could go out, shag someone else, and then rediscover their excitement for one another without feeling as if they've done anything wrong.
But… does it really work? Sometimes the answer is a resounding yes.
Case in point was when I walked into the pub the other night, and found my male mate sitting there smug as a bug, with his arm around his girlfriend as though nothing had happened. But what had transpired was that he'd been given an extended hall pass (otherwise known as a "break") to shag whomever he wanted to, as long as his girlfriend wasn't privy to the sordid details. And although he wasn't too happy about it at the time, it enabled him to go out there and sow his wild oats without getting reprimanded for it or being labelled a lying, cheating cad.
She then promptly took him back and they've been more into one another than ever before. Something tells me it has to do with the fact that the grass isn't always greener …
Strangely enough, it seems to me that women are more tolerant of such "hall pass" behaviour than the blokes. Because when I surveyed a bunch of dudes over the weekend, their answers were always the same: God help the guy who touches their girl during the hiatus.
"Just the thought of another man touching my woman is enough to send me crazy," said one.
"As tough as guys think they are, they are actually weak as piss when it comes to these things," said another.
And a third: "The concept of a hall pass is completely inconceivable to me. If a girl wanted to cheat on me, I'd rather break up with her and never speak to her again."
So why are women so much more willing to let it slide? Is it because perhaps the fairer sex believes the explanation that men are hardwired to spread their seed is indeed a biological fact that should just be tolerated? That there's a universal truth, as so succinctly put by Mens Health magazine, in which writer Hugh O'Neill says that "Lust is not a virtue. Lust is not a vice. It's just a fact"?
O'Neill also says that, while the male body is "crying out for communion and our culture a-throb with conquistador signals, it's no surprise that for men, monogamy's a long shot". He also admits that this is exactly what makes monogamy worth chasing. "After all, there's no glory in the easy stuff."
Which is probably why, at the end of the day, a hall pass isn't such an appealing way to spice things up after all.
Perhaps couples should be less hard on each other, stop sweating the small stuff and start to put in more effort. No one ever complained about getting roses, and no man ever complained about his partner buying a new set of sexy lingerie ... as long as he's the only one who gets to see her in it ...
Sure, monogamy has its perks. And, yes, one day I hope to be in a long-term monogamous relationship again without the fear of boredom, monotony or the need to take an extended "break" from it all in order to see what else is out there. (For the record, singledom is not all it's made out to be.)
But I think the Farrelly brothers may have recently touched a nerve in all those bored married folk with their latest film project. In an attempt to offer a solution to all this monotonous monogamous relationship hullabaloo, the infamous filmmaking brothers have just released the flick Hall Pass. The premise of the film? That if long-term monogamous relationships are indeed so lacklustre and mind-numbingly boring, then why not give your partner a chance to do something about it without fear of the consequences?
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The film centres on two best mates Rick and Fred (played by Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis) who've both been married for many years and are starting to become restless with their partners. Hence their wives band together and decide to grant their blokes a "hall pass" – one entire week to do whatever they want … no questions asked and no chance of them being labelled heartless cads as a consequence of it. The bonus is that after the week is up, both men can then return to their monogamous relationships like nothing ever happened, bar sowing a few wild oats and hopefully without an STD.
While at first it appears to both Rick and Fred that they've hit the sexual jackpot, they quickly discover that the opportunity to do the dirty on their wives is not all it's cracked up to be.
While the lesson of the film is obvious, married men (who've been shunned for cheating) are going to be mightily pissed off that they didn't think of it first.
"I just should have asked my wife!" they might think, envious of those dudes who get to have a hall pass of their own.
Indeed if hall passes were given out regularly, imagine the relationships they would save. Bored coupled-up folk could go out, shag someone else, and then rediscover their excitement for one another without feeling as if they've done anything wrong.
But… does it really work? Sometimes the answer is a resounding yes.
Case in point was when I walked into the pub the other night, and found my male mate sitting there smug as a bug, with his arm around his girlfriend as though nothing had happened. But what had transpired was that he'd been given an extended hall pass (otherwise known as a "break") to shag whomever he wanted to, as long as his girlfriend wasn't privy to the sordid details. And although he wasn't too happy about it at the time, it enabled him to go out there and sow his wild oats without getting reprimanded for it or being labelled a lying, cheating cad.
She then promptly took him back and they've been more into one another than ever before. Something tells me it has to do with the fact that the grass isn't always greener …
Strangely enough, it seems to me that women are more tolerant of such "hall pass" behaviour than the blokes. Because when I surveyed a bunch of dudes over the weekend, their answers were always the same: God help the guy who touches their girl during the hiatus.
"Just the thought of another man touching my woman is enough to send me crazy," said one.
"As tough as guys think they are, they are actually weak as piss when it comes to these things," said another.
And a third: "The concept of a hall pass is completely inconceivable to me. If a girl wanted to cheat on me, I'd rather break up with her and never speak to her again."
So why are women so much more willing to let it slide? Is it because perhaps the fairer sex believes the explanation that men are hardwired to spread their seed is indeed a biological fact that should just be tolerated? That there's a universal truth, as so succinctly put by Mens Health magazine, in which writer Hugh O'Neill says that "Lust is not a virtue. Lust is not a vice. It's just a fact"?
O'Neill also says that, while the male body is "crying out for communion and our culture a-throb with conquistador signals, it's no surprise that for men, monogamy's a long shot". He also admits that this is exactly what makes monogamy worth chasing. "After all, there's no glory in the easy stuff."
Which is probably why, at the end of the day, a hall pass isn't such an appealing way to spice things up after all.
Perhaps couples should be less hard on each other, stop sweating the small stuff and start to put in more effort. No one ever complained about getting roses, and no man ever complained about his partner buying a new set of sexy lingerie ... as long as he's the only one who gets to see her in it ...
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