"This is not a love story." So says the omniscient narrator in the brilliant romantic comedy 500 Days of Summer.
The premise of the film? It shows off the male side of innocent love that is blinding, real and without fear of consequence.
The result? Heartbreak of the worst kind. Which is probably why the screenwriter decided to add the line that this no love story at all. Symptomatic of our generation's lukewarm opinion of love (or so I've discovered), this got me thinking about the notion of innocent love, and whether or not it's even a viable option these days.
I look at my parents who met when they were at university, married soon after and are still together after 30 years. Some might say that this is no way to live; that without trying (and not buying) everything that life has to offer, they'll always be wondering … what if?
But perhaps that's a better way to go, as evidenced by so many blokes these days who are not exactly that willing to give up their hearts all that quickly.
And after surveying quite a few of them, I've come to the realisation that all this recent malice towards love, commitment and settling down (as evidenced from the fact that the medium marriage ages for both men and women have increased) stems from a recent notion that has been brought to my attention from the men themselves: apparently us women are to blame.
Somehow, over the last decade or so, we've stomped on a few too many young male hearts who then become masters at getting what they want without getting emotionally attached in fear it will happen again. Why buy the cow (as the popular saying goes), when they rationalise that it will be too expensive anyway and will only break their heart.
Of course the notion of falling in love is a peculiar one. Nevertheless we all know (loosely) how it's supposed to all pan out: eyes meet across the room; hearts beat louder than a bass drum, hands clammy, knees weak. You anxiously pluck up the courage to go over to say hello. Sparks fly, hormones surge, chemistry goes crazy and nether regions tingle. Everything is supposed to fall in place when you finally meet The One. Or so we once thought.
But these days, a myriad thoughts run rampant through the minds of both sexes, which prevent such love from blossoming: Can they really make me happy? Is their biological clock in sync with mine? Are they financially stable? Do they have the same religious preferences as I do? Will my parents like them? Do they like the same foods as me? And the critical question of this decade: Are they really worth "settling down" for?
Because, after all, we're constantly being warned not to. We are increasingly lead to believe that these days we have so many choices! Life is so free! We are so liberated! Why settle when we have every opportunity at our fingertips!
But … do all these modern-day societal expectations, notions, checklists and warnings not to settle mean that we essentially miss out on our one true love? Are we all so darn scared of the consequences (and have already been burnt), that we find it almost impossible to truly take that leap of faith, to allow ourselves to fall innocently in love ever again?
Just the other night a guy told me that he's a commitment-phobe. His reason? Because he went through a tumultuous relationship at an impressionable age and as a result of this devastating turn of events, nowadays he feels he can never be open to pure, uninhibited love. At 30-plus years old, he's jaded, scarred and there's no going back.
Sure, he's had relationships since. But his ability to really let his heart open has been tarred by that one experience that he can't shake off no matter who he meets or how good things might be.
Is this symptomatic of our modern "have it all but won't settle own" generation?
Perhaps.
But let's look at the flipside: oddly, most of us go through life searching for someone to spend the rest of it with anyway, only to regret the ones we might have let get away. We might look at these people later down the track … with their partners, kids and even grandkids in tow and think … that could have or should have been me …
So who's to blame? Is it really the fact that since women have broken the hearts of so many men, that these heartbroken blokes are now the cause all the malice? Is it really the women who did the damage, as Summer (played by Zooey Deschanel) did to poor Tom in 500 Days of Summer?
Perhaps.
I've long been of the belief that, when love comes along, I'll see it and there'll be no denying that it's right and that it's forever. But when I'm constantly being faced with men who refuse to acknowledge it because they've been heartbroken in the past, I think to myself that innocent love may just have been lost forever. And that's a very sobering thought... even on Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's!
The premise of the film? It shows off the male side of innocent love that is blinding, real and without fear of consequence.
The result? Heartbreak of the worst kind. Which is probably why the screenwriter decided to add the line that this no love story at all. Symptomatic of our generation's lukewarm opinion of love (or so I've discovered), this got me thinking about the notion of innocent love, and whether or not it's even a viable option these days.
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Sure, when you first fell in love as a teenager, you didn't care about religion or other social constraints that nowadays might force you in and out of relationships. Add to that the fact that you've also never experienced true heartbreak before, and it's easy to see why, when it comes to innocent love, ignorance is bliss.I look at my parents who met when they were at university, married soon after and are still together after 30 years. Some might say that this is no way to live; that without trying (and not buying) everything that life has to offer, they'll always be wondering … what if?
But perhaps that's a better way to go, as evidenced by so many blokes these days who are not exactly that willing to give up their hearts all that quickly.
And after surveying quite a few of them, I've come to the realisation that all this recent malice towards love, commitment and settling down (as evidenced from the fact that the medium marriage ages for both men and women have increased) stems from a recent notion that has been brought to my attention from the men themselves: apparently us women are to blame.
Somehow, over the last decade or so, we've stomped on a few too many young male hearts who then become masters at getting what they want without getting emotionally attached in fear it will happen again. Why buy the cow (as the popular saying goes), when they rationalise that it will be too expensive anyway and will only break their heart.
Of course the notion of falling in love is a peculiar one. Nevertheless we all know (loosely) how it's supposed to all pan out: eyes meet across the room; hearts beat louder than a bass drum, hands clammy, knees weak. You anxiously pluck up the courage to go over to say hello. Sparks fly, hormones surge, chemistry goes crazy and nether regions tingle. Everything is supposed to fall in place when you finally meet The One. Or so we once thought.
But these days, a myriad thoughts run rampant through the minds of both sexes, which prevent such love from blossoming: Can they really make me happy? Is their biological clock in sync with mine? Are they financially stable? Do they have the same religious preferences as I do? Will my parents like them? Do they like the same foods as me? And the critical question of this decade: Are they really worth "settling down" for?
Because, after all, we're constantly being warned not to. We are increasingly lead to believe that these days we have so many choices! Life is so free! We are so liberated! Why settle when we have every opportunity at our fingertips!
But … do all these modern-day societal expectations, notions, checklists and warnings not to settle mean that we essentially miss out on our one true love? Are we all so darn scared of the consequences (and have already been burnt), that we find it almost impossible to truly take that leap of faith, to allow ourselves to fall innocently in love ever again?
Just the other night a guy told me that he's a commitment-phobe. His reason? Because he went through a tumultuous relationship at an impressionable age and as a result of this devastating turn of events, nowadays he feels he can never be open to pure, uninhibited love. At 30-plus years old, he's jaded, scarred and there's no going back.
Sure, he's had relationships since. But his ability to really let his heart open has been tarred by that one experience that he can't shake off no matter who he meets or how good things might be.
Is this symptomatic of our modern "have it all but won't settle own" generation?
Perhaps.
But let's look at the flipside: oddly, most of us go through life searching for someone to spend the rest of it with anyway, only to regret the ones we might have let get away. We might look at these people later down the track … with their partners, kids and even grandkids in tow and think … that could have or should have been me …
So who's to blame? Is it really the fact that since women have broken the hearts of so many men, that these heartbroken blokes are now the cause all the malice? Is it really the women who did the damage, as Summer (played by Zooey Deschanel) did to poor Tom in 500 Days of Summer?
Perhaps.
I've long been of the belief that, when love comes along, I'll see it and there'll be no denying that it's right and that it's forever. But when I'm constantly being faced with men who refuse to acknowledge it because they've been heartbroken in the past, I think to myself that innocent love may just have been lost forever. And that's a very sobering thought... even on Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's!
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