Ah, seduction. Everyone wants to know the secret of it; few have mastered it, and many have been burnt by it. But as the writers of the Melbourne-based The Modern Man blog (who spent the past five years approaching more than 10,000 women around the globe - what a gig!), recently wrote: "Men are born with a natural, inbuilt ability to seduce women."
I once thought that one of the great things about being a woman was that seduction was simply a case of whipping on a mini skirt, some killer heels, swabbing on a pouty gloss, wearing a push-up bra and voila! - the blokes will fall head over heels.
Not so much. These days men have caught onto our little act and have become a tad more discerning with what they find attractive, and what they don't.
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And, since most of the fairer sex (including moi), aren't exactly creatures who have this inbuilt ability to conquer and seduce, how the heck are we supposed to do it? And, more importantly, what qualities do those women possess who seem to be extra good at managing to seduce the opposite sex?
I have a girlfriend – let's call her Faith – who is one such woman who possess an innate skill. A bona fide man-magnet, it seems every time we head out together – whether it be to a bar, the beach, a work event or the supermarket – something strange happens. Men turn, stop, stare and then, after a few minutes of conversation, they ask for her number.
But here's the thing about Faith: she's not super skinny, doesn't wear designer clothes, has average sized breasts and isn't your typical beauty either. Sure, she's reasonably pretty, amenable and can make a mean spaghetti bolognese. But the blokes don't know that yet. So what's the big appeal?
When I asked my male friend Matt (who, by the way, is a master at seduction himself and so can't help but date multiple women at once without ever feeling the need to settle down), he told me that some women just ooze the fact that they're "up for it".
"Men fear rejection," he says. "So we've learnt right away how to tell whether or not a woman might be interested," he says. "Women who give you the cold shoulder – we men don't bother with them. But if they are smiling, warm and seem open to new possibilities, we can sense it right away. And that's when we go in for the kill."
Not entirely convinced of his argument, and in lieu of discovering Faith's real appeal, I've been reading the book Art Of Seduction by Robert Greene, who has dubbed this sort of female seductress "The Siren", and says the reason she is so effective at getting a man's boxers in a knot is that she plays into the male fantasy ... flawlessly.
Writes Greene:
"A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play, always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a world of pure pleasure. She is dangerous, and in pursuing her energetically the man can lose control over himself, something he yearns to do. The Siren is a mirage; she lures men by cultivating a particular appearance and manner. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy."
He uses the example of the ancient Queen Cleopatra who seduced not one, but two of the most powerful men in the world at the time. It wasn't her looks that nabbed her both Julius Caesar and Mark Antony (although she didn't step out the house without being dressed to kill or a full face of makeup), but instead she did just what Greene asserts is The Siren's most powerful weapon: she played into the male fantasy and used her irresistible charm and power of seduction to make men fall hopelessly at her feet.
(It's no surprise that modern-day seductress Angelina Jolie is set to play her in an upcoming remake of the film Cleopatra .)
And here's the other thing: Cleopatra was smart. She was able to hold a conversation with any man about anything from medicine to mathematics, and she was darn good at using her feminine wiles to get her way. (Who said men don't like smart women?)
Fast-forward to the present day, and modern seductress Dita Von Teese tells of a very different tactic. While she too uses fantasy to capture male imagination, that's where her seduction techniques end.
"I'm not very aggressive," she told Britain's Hello! magazine. "I don't seduce and destroy. I like to be chased, but I'm not into playing hard to get."
A guy sitting next to me while I'm writing this story at a cafe (who I soon discover drives a yellow Ferrari) tells me that her methodology is exactly the way to woo a man:
"I don't like to be seduced; it actually turns me off. If I get seduced, I will run."
Even if she's stunningly beautiful?
"It doesn't matter how attractive she is or great her personality is," he says. "I like to do the chasing."
His tactics?
"When I want to seduce a girl, I will go out of my way to do nice things for her."
And then, as though it's an afterthought, he adds, "Oh, and the car helps too..."
I once thought that one of the great things about being a woman was that seduction was simply a case of whipping on a mini skirt, some killer heels, swabbing on a pouty gloss, wearing a push-up bra and voila! - the blokes will fall head over heels.
Not so much. These days men have caught onto our little act and have become a tad more discerning with what they find attractive, and what they don't.
Advertisement: Story continues below
And, since most of the fairer sex (including moi), aren't exactly creatures who have this inbuilt ability to conquer and seduce, how the heck are we supposed to do it? And, more importantly, what qualities do those women possess who seem to be extra good at managing to seduce the opposite sex?
I have a girlfriend – let's call her Faith – who is one such woman who possess an innate skill. A bona fide man-magnet, it seems every time we head out together – whether it be to a bar, the beach, a work event or the supermarket – something strange happens. Men turn, stop, stare and then, after a few minutes of conversation, they ask for her number.
But here's the thing about Faith: she's not super skinny, doesn't wear designer clothes, has average sized breasts and isn't your typical beauty either. Sure, she's reasonably pretty, amenable and can make a mean spaghetti bolognese. But the blokes don't know that yet. So what's the big appeal?
When I asked my male friend Matt (who, by the way, is a master at seduction himself and so can't help but date multiple women at once without ever feeling the need to settle down), he told me that some women just ooze the fact that they're "up for it".
"Men fear rejection," he says. "So we've learnt right away how to tell whether or not a woman might be interested," he says. "Women who give you the cold shoulder – we men don't bother with them. But if they are smiling, warm and seem open to new possibilities, we can sense it right away. And that's when we go in for the kill."
Not entirely convinced of his argument, and in lieu of discovering Faith's real appeal, I've been reading the book Art Of Seduction by Robert Greene, who has dubbed this sort of female seductress "The Siren", and says the reason she is so effective at getting a man's boxers in a knot is that she plays into the male fantasy ... flawlessly.
Writes Greene:
"A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play, always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a world of pure pleasure. She is dangerous, and in pursuing her energetically the man can lose control over himself, something he yearns to do. The Siren is a mirage; she lures men by cultivating a particular appearance and manner. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy."
He uses the example of the ancient Queen Cleopatra who seduced not one, but two of the most powerful men in the world at the time. It wasn't her looks that nabbed her both Julius Caesar and Mark Antony (although she didn't step out the house without being dressed to kill or a full face of makeup), but instead she did just what Greene asserts is The Siren's most powerful weapon: she played into the male fantasy and used her irresistible charm and power of seduction to make men fall hopelessly at her feet.
(It's no surprise that modern-day seductress Angelina Jolie is set to play her in an upcoming remake of the film Cleopatra .)
And here's the other thing: Cleopatra was smart. She was able to hold a conversation with any man about anything from medicine to mathematics, and she was darn good at using her feminine wiles to get her way. (Who said men don't like smart women?)
Fast-forward to the present day, and modern seductress Dita Von Teese tells of a very different tactic. While she too uses fantasy to capture male imagination, that's where her seduction techniques end.
"I'm not very aggressive," she told Britain's Hello! magazine. "I don't seduce and destroy. I like to be chased, but I'm not into playing hard to get."
A guy sitting next to me while I'm writing this story at a cafe (who I soon discover drives a yellow Ferrari) tells me that her methodology is exactly the way to woo a man:
"I don't like to be seduced; it actually turns me off. If I get seduced, I will run."
Even if she's stunningly beautiful?
"It doesn't matter how attractive she is or great her personality is," he says. "I like to do the chasing."
His tactics?
"When I want to seduce a girl, I will go out of my way to do nice things for her."
And then, as though it's an afterthought, he adds, "Oh, and the car helps too..."
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