"Why are so many women struggling when it comes to men?" That was the question I posed to relationship expert and author Steve Santagati in Los Angeles a couple of weeks ago, while trying to ascertain why all the single-girl malice has been thrown at the fairer sex.
"I mean, surely it's not that hard to keep a man interested?" I continued.
"Well, women don't put in the right effort," he told me. "The place where so women go wrong is that they have no idea about things men actually like."
Like what? Sex? Light banter? Humour? Fast cars? Well, here's the caveat, or so says Santagati.
"After you sleep with us, we want to know: 'What else have you got to offer?' Do you know anything sports, about fishing, about the books we read, about finance, about anything? Do you know how to cook?"
I guess he had a point.
Women became enraged too, especially the ones who actually do. But for the sake of generalising I've decided to provide the top complaints men have about women who know nothing about their worlds …
"She hates watching sport"
Some guys love it, some say it relaxes them and many are keen to watch it all the time, every single weekend. I once dated a guy whose idea of a perfect date was to come over and watch the footy, then the soccer, then the cricket … all while eating ribs on my couch. Not that there's anything wrong with that … occasionally. I like sport just as much as the next girl, but all the freaking time? When romance is traded in for dudes in short shorts rolling around in the mud on a television screen, it might be fun at first, but we get tired of it pretty quickly. That being said, we don't complain about the fact that a man doesn't want to watch Sex and the City re-runs or go to a sass and bide sample sale with us every single weekend. We just know that it's a girl thing and we don't expect anything more. (That being said, find me a dude who likes to do these things and I'll happily change my tune!)
"She has little emotional intelligence"
While researchers reckon that there is no conclusive evidence to say women have a lower EQ than men (http://www.lucidpages.com/intel.html), the blokes complain that way too many women aren't emotionally intelligent enough for them. What does this mean? That chicks by and large, don't know how to deal with the negative stuff appropriately. Don't beat yourself up about it either – apparently 90 per cent of the world's population are lacking EQ. However, I get where the dudes are coming from. Women act, think and speak with our emotions. Therefore, we're often not going to give the most rational response to a tough situation. But if the consequences of women having low EQ means that they are unable to act unemotionally to a problem at hand, well that's pretty much most of us…
"They don't know how to drive"
Really? What a cliché. Sure, there are loads of women who drive around too slowly, with too many yippy dogs on the front seat, with Mariah Carey blaring a little too loudly, all the while trying to put on their mascara while texting their girlfriends and applying their lippy. But that's not all of us. I know how to drive … and I can do it in high heels, in the rain and in Los Angeles on the wrong side of the road, on a highway, at 100km/h. Sure, there are some women who are more fearful on the road than their male counterparts, and yes, you might want a girlfriend who can drive well so that you aren't fearing for her safety every time she hops behind the wheel. But if you're so unhappy with the way your girlfriend reverse parks her car, why not drive her around? I'm sure she wouldn't be opposed to that …
"We love BBQs"
"Men love meat," says Santagati. And according to a New York Times article, if a woman orders the steak on a first date, she instantly gets an invitation for a second. "It's a turn-on because it shows us that a woman understands something about our world," says Santagati. "We're meat eaters and, if she eats meat too, it shows us that she's not completely [detached from] what's going on."
"They don't like no-strings attached sex"
Yes, we all know by now that women aren't exactly as comfortable with this notion as blokes are. Or, even if they purport to be, somehow, every time, feelings get in the way. Therefore, once a woman has been burnt by her no-strings-attached booty buddy, when it comes to doing it again she makes a conscious decision not to get heartbroken all over again. Sure, the blokes dig it, and, sure, some women aren't opposed to it when the moment, the guy and the setting are right. But, quite simply, we're genetically, biologically and emotionally hardwired for relationships, with strings, and a follow-up phone call the next day. Sorry blokes, not this time.
"We need quiet time … often"
True, men need their space. They're not like us; they don't want to talk about things for hours on end, going in circles and not ever coming up with a solution. Instead when things go wrong, many blokes want to hole up in their man cave and take a hiatus … from us. Let him stay in his cave as long as you can without bothering him. He'll come up for air eventually.
"We love food"
While most women might be happy with a salad as a meal, for the blokes - not so much. The famous saying goes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and this mantra might just be right. Through my interviews with men, it seems if you're a good cook, you've captured him for life.
Lana Vidler, the author of Meals Men Love How To Catch a Man in 3 Courses, says a well-fed man is a happy man. And as long as it has red meat in it, you're halfway there.
She told me via email: "From my research the average Australian male likes his Red Meat (e.g. 'I'm a Hot Piece of Steak') & Potatoes ('Cheese + Potatoes = A Happy Man') with Chocolate Mousse ('Chocolate Mousse - to the Max') for dessert. Chicken Schnitzel ('First Dinner Chicken Schnitzel') and Lemon Tart ('First Dinner Lemon Tart') a very close second."
Oh, and ladies, it's not that hard either. The good news is that Meals Men Love was actually written with the career woman in mind ... so now you've got no excuse to get back into the kitchen ...
"I mean, surely it's not that hard to keep a man interested?" I continued.
"Well, women don't put in the right effort," he told me. "The place where so women go wrong is that they have no idea about things men actually like."
Advertisement: Story continues below
Like what? Sex? Light banter? Humour? Fast cars? Well, here's the caveat, or so says Santagati.
"After you sleep with us, we want to know: 'What else have you got to offer?' Do you know anything sports, about fishing, about the books we read, about finance, about anything? Do you know how to cook?"
I guess he had a point.
Women became enraged too, especially the ones who actually do. But for the sake of generalising I've decided to provide the top complaints men have about women who know nothing about their worlds …
"She hates watching sport"
Some guys love it, some say it relaxes them and many are keen to watch it all the time, every single weekend. I once dated a guy whose idea of a perfect date was to come over and watch the footy, then the soccer, then the cricket … all while eating ribs on my couch. Not that there's anything wrong with that … occasionally. I like sport just as much as the next girl, but all the freaking time? When romance is traded in for dudes in short shorts rolling around in the mud on a television screen, it might be fun at first, but we get tired of it pretty quickly. That being said, we don't complain about the fact that a man doesn't want to watch Sex and the City re-runs or go to a sass and bide sample sale with us every single weekend. We just know that it's a girl thing and we don't expect anything more. (That being said, find me a dude who likes to do these things and I'll happily change my tune!)
"She has little emotional intelligence"
While researchers reckon that there is no conclusive evidence to say women have a lower EQ than men (http://www.lucidpages.com/intel.html), the blokes complain that way too many women aren't emotionally intelligent enough for them. What does this mean? That chicks by and large, don't know how to deal with the negative stuff appropriately. Don't beat yourself up about it either – apparently 90 per cent of the world's population are lacking EQ. However, I get where the dudes are coming from. Women act, think and speak with our emotions. Therefore, we're often not going to give the most rational response to a tough situation. But if the consequences of women having low EQ means that they are unable to act unemotionally to a problem at hand, well that's pretty much most of us…
"They don't know how to drive"
Really? What a cliché. Sure, there are loads of women who drive around too slowly, with too many yippy dogs on the front seat, with Mariah Carey blaring a little too loudly, all the while trying to put on their mascara while texting their girlfriends and applying their lippy. But that's not all of us. I know how to drive … and I can do it in high heels, in the rain and in Los Angeles on the wrong side of the road, on a highway, at 100km/h. Sure, there are some women who are more fearful on the road than their male counterparts, and yes, you might want a girlfriend who can drive well so that you aren't fearing for her safety every time she hops behind the wheel. But if you're so unhappy with the way your girlfriend reverse parks her car, why not drive her around? I'm sure she wouldn't be opposed to that …
"We love BBQs"
"Men love meat," says Santagati. And according to a New York Times article, if a woman orders the steak on a first date, she instantly gets an invitation for a second. "It's a turn-on because it shows us that a woman understands something about our world," says Santagati. "We're meat eaters and, if she eats meat too, it shows us that she's not completely [detached from] what's going on."
"They don't like no-strings attached sex"
Yes, we all know by now that women aren't exactly as comfortable with this notion as blokes are. Or, even if they purport to be, somehow, every time, feelings get in the way. Therefore, once a woman has been burnt by her no-strings-attached booty buddy, when it comes to doing it again she makes a conscious decision not to get heartbroken all over again. Sure, the blokes dig it, and, sure, some women aren't opposed to it when the moment, the guy and the setting are right. But, quite simply, we're genetically, biologically and emotionally hardwired for relationships, with strings, and a follow-up phone call the next day. Sorry blokes, not this time.
"We need quiet time … often"
True, men need their space. They're not like us; they don't want to talk about things for hours on end, going in circles and not ever coming up with a solution. Instead when things go wrong, many blokes want to hole up in their man cave and take a hiatus … from us. Let him stay in his cave as long as you can without bothering him. He'll come up for air eventually.
"We love food"
While most women might be happy with a salad as a meal, for the blokes - not so much. The famous saying goes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and this mantra might just be right. Through my interviews with men, it seems if you're a good cook, you've captured him for life.
Lana Vidler, the author of Meals Men Love How To Catch a Man in 3 Courses, says a well-fed man is a happy man. And as long as it has red meat in it, you're halfway there.
She told me via email: "From my research the average Australian male likes his Red Meat (e.g. 'I'm a Hot Piece of Steak') & Potatoes ('Cheese + Potatoes = A Happy Man') with Chocolate Mousse ('Chocolate Mousse - to the Max') for dessert. Chicken Schnitzel ('First Dinner Chicken Schnitzel') and Lemon Tart ('First Dinner Lemon Tart') a very close second."
Oh, and ladies, it's not that hard either. The good news is that Meals Men Love was actually written with the career woman in mind ... so now you've got no excuse to get back into the kitchen ...
No comments:
Post a Comment