When it comes to the great orgasm debate, this column has generated many a heated discussion. And with new research recently declaring that science has demystified the female orgasm (finally!), She challenged psychologist John Aiken to a debate on whether or not women should fake it. This is what transpired ...
Fake it, by Samantha Brett
When it comes to communication between the sexes, she's all for honesty. But when it comes to being truthful about whether or not you've had an orgasm, suddenly things aren't so cut and dried. Because here's the thing: in case you missed the memo, according to research carried out by the Kinsey Institute, a whopping 60 per cent of women can never actually have an orgasm during sex. And 10-15 per cent have never actually had an orgasm. Ever.
Add to these sobering facts is the stat that up to 50 per cent of women have trouble getting aroused (according to the Orgasmic Dysfunction, Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, September 2002) and you've got yourself one mightily big dilemma: to fake it, or not to fake it? Because here's the other universal truth: men have mightily big egos. Make them feel like they're unable to please you in the bedroom, and you can be pretty darn sure that their sexual self esteem will go down the gurgler.
In fact, one man went so far as to tell me that if he couldn't get his girlfriend to have an orgasm after three months of trying, he would consider dumping her. Enough said.
Hence, sometimes, a little oohing and aahing in the right places at the right time might not be such a bad idea after all. Because, when there's sleep to be had and he's wanting to go all night like a runaway train, faking it is the next best solution. It's like getting a present you don't really like and still saying thank you. And no one's ever complained about that …
Do not fake it, by John Aiken, psychologist and author of Suddenly Single
Girls, a word of advice. Before channelling Meg Ryan in the film When Harry Met Sally and immersing yourself in a mind-blowing fake orgasm, perhaps there are some things you should consider.
Having great sex is all about getting your needs across to each other in a clear way so that the other person can hit all your sexual buttons.
Everyone's body is different, and guys can be guilty of fumbling around and getting it wrong at the best of times. We need a blueprint, and when you decide to fake things you confuse us and encourage us to keep doing things that simply don't get you off.
Then there's the fact that you're setting yourself up to have years of bad sex with someone who thinks they're pleasing you, but actually is giving you nothing but immense sexual frustration and awkward moments. You deserve better than that!
I know you don't want to crush our male egos. But if you don't teach us then we don't get better over time and we just keep getting it wrong! Be honest, open up and get clear on what you want and how you need to have it! If you think we might be a bit fragile, build us up with some compliments first and make us feel desired before giving us a much needed lesson in female orgasm 101! Let me tell you. When we do get it right, you'll be glad you spoke up rather than faked another big O!
Fake it, by Samantha Brett
When it comes to communication between the sexes, she's all for honesty. But when it comes to being truthful about whether or not you've had an orgasm, suddenly things aren't so cut and dried. Because here's the thing: in case you missed the memo, according to research carried out by the Kinsey Institute, a whopping 60 per cent of women can never actually have an orgasm during sex. And 10-15 per cent have never actually had an orgasm. Ever.
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Add to these sobering facts is the stat that up to 50 per cent of women have trouble getting aroused (according to the Orgasmic Dysfunction, Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, September 2002) and you've got yourself one mightily big dilemma: to fake it, or not to fake it? Because here's the other universal truth: men have mightily big egos. Make them feel like they're unable to please you in the bedroom, and you can be pretty darn sure that their sexual self esteem will go down the gurgler.
In fact, one man went so far as to tell me that if he couldn't get his girlfriend to have an orgasm after three months of trying, he would consider dumping her. Enough said.
Hence, sometimes, a little oohing and aahing in the right places at the right time might not be such a bad idea after all. Because, when there's sleep to be had and he's wanting to go all night like a runaway train, faking it is the next best solution. It's like getting a present you don't really like and still saying thank you. And no one's ever complained about that …
Do not fake it, by John Aiken, psychologist and author of Suddenly Single
Girls, a word of advice. Before channelling Meg Ryan in the film When Harry Met Sally and immersing yourself in a mind-blowing fake orgasm, perhaps there are some things you should consider.
Having great sex is all about getting your needs across to each other in a clear way so that the other person can hit all your sexual buttons.
Everyone's body is different, and guys can be guilty of fumbling around and getting it wrong at the best of times. We need a blueprint, and when you decide to fake things you confuse us and encourage us to keep doing things that simply don't get you off.
Then there's the fact that you're setting yourself up to have years of bad sex with someone who thinks they're pleasing you, but actually is giving you nothing but immense sexual frustration and awkward moments. You deserve better than that!
I know you don't want to crush our male egos. But if you don't teach us then we don't get better over time and we just keep getting it wrong! Be honest, open up and get clear on what you want and how you need to have it! If you think we might be a bit fragile, build us up with some compliments first and make us feel desired before giving us a much needed lesson in female orgasm 101! Let me tell you. When we do get it right, you'll be glad you spoke up rather than faked another big O!
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